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Hate my life and family

I’m stuck living at home with my parents after graduating from college 2 years ago. I do have a decent salaried job in my field I studied in but I still don’t make enough money to have a modest one bedroom apartment in this city…and I make almost $50k a year. This is due to the fact I pay a car bill and student loan each month. Can’t afford $1200 in rent on top of that.

I’ve never gotten along with my parents. Sometimes my mom and I do well but 90% of them time I can’t stand being around her. My father is a selfish, misogynistic, self righteous prick and I have zero respect for him and zero desire to be around him. My younger sister and I have been better together over the years but her OCD and massive anxiety levels get in the way of us enjoying each other’s company often which makes me sad.

Advice would help please. Thanks.

I feel trapped in this house. Every day is another fight. I never not feel tense and on edge in this house. I feel like there is no escape for me and I’m losing my sanity. I have been having massive manic depressive episodes and often have suicidal thoughts, though I don’t think I’d ever go through with suicide. All I want to do is cry and feel sorry for myself. I don’t know what to do. Being stuck in a house with people you hate being around is so fucking hard. I’m losing my mental stability each day. Therapy hasn’t helped much either which scares me.

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Hey Linds,

Man that sounds rough. I can certainly relate to the hardships of trying to make enough to live in our own place. Currently staying with parents, myself so we can save and get on our feet. (Partner’s parents)

I come from a family background and people that were very difficult to live with. And so I can somewhat relate to the stress and frustration that comes from living in shared housing with people you don’t get along with well. It feels like you have to walk on egg shells and edit yourself all of the time. Its hard to feel comfortable and just exist. It’s hard to be yourself or not get stuck feeling frustrated and stressed all of the time. At least that is what it looked like for me.

Is it at all possible to find someone that you can comfortably room with that wouldn’t be really intrusive to your life? Someone you could rent a house with or an apartment? I know roommates can be rough sometimes, but if you find the right person, it can be okay. Is there anyone you trust enough for that? Someone that can be mature enough to keep up with payments and not be loud and obnoxious all of the time. Maybe?

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Thanks for the nice words. Always feels good knowing I’m not alone. And unfortunately no I don’t have anyone I could room with. All my friends live with their boyfriend or girlfriend and I would feel weird invading their space.

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Oh man. Yea that’s really rough. And with corona right now. It would probably be really hard to find anyone else. Man. I’m sorry friend. I know that is super frustrating. Like I said, I’ve been there. For me, I didn’t really have family that I could communicate to. That never felt like an option. Is it possible at all for you to talk to your family about the things that are an issue? Or is that just kinda of a …no go?

I’m so sorry, that sounds like an awful situation to be in. Often I look for ways to fix a situation, but I can see in your situation you’ve “done the things” that one does in order to not be stuck. You’ve gone to school, you have the job, but here you are, stuck.
My sister is in a similar situation. Honestly, for a split second there, I was thinking it was her writing this until you said a bit more and I realized you weren’t her, but still you’re in a situation that may be a bit more common than one may realize.
I’m not sure if you’re in an area where there’s a lockdown going on, but would you be able to hang out at a coffee shop or library in effort to meet more people. I’m sorry it’s not the best with your mom and sister (and yeah your situation with your dad is so close to my sister’s). Is there a way you could go out to attempt to make friends outside the house? Could you get a second job not necessarily for money but in order to meet more people?
Vina is an app that you could meet people on… and an easy job at a hotel or restaurant could be nice? Have you tried going out walking and such?
You touched on feeling sorry for yourself. I don’t want to be all fluffy, but there are true benefits to being positive and looking into the brighter side of things. You must trust in science some as you’ve mentioned doing therapy. Often therapists can offer solutions but those solutions need to be acted on. When the thoughts of despair and hopelessness come, we have to find the “opposite” or positive outlook on the situation and continue to think on that. I’ve heard of people speaking to plants (it’s on YouTube) and the plants that thrived were the plants that had people speaking kind positive words over them, vs the plants that were being told negative things and getting screamed at. The test was to show that we as people can react the same. It may sound a bit wild but I encourage you to look into it and see what could happen if you speak affirmations and well over yourself for at least a month.
I just like offering solutions that I know have worked well in the past for myself. I’m currently unemployed as of Friday and if I don’t get employed somewhat soon, will likely move back into my parents. I’ll have a similar situation as your own to look forward to if I move back, so I know I would want to be out of the house as much as possible and then doing things to build my own self up such as reading, exercising, create a vision board (to help me focus on ahead and not what’s right in front of me) maybe look into a hobby (I’d also read and pray but that’s not what everyone is about doing and I get that) and the like. It’s a bit different trying to get a job in this climate, so getting one or let alone two jobs may not work out the way I would like to envision, but honestly, there are some without jobs and with car payments and with children, and no savings. I’m just grateful that if the unfortunate comes about, I have my parents to even go to. These are some wild times we’re going through right now. I sincerely think it’s best to focus on what IS good and what IS positive. I tell you I haven’t felt this “positively” about my family for some time…
I really hope your situation changes

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