Hate myself and im alone

[AlexSousa]

Hey there, first of all, sorry if i spell something wrong, english is not my first language but lets start.
Everyday since the past 5 or 6 years, i’ve just felt like i hated the person i was/am, i just cant see anything in myself that i like, i just feel like a horrible person and i dont want to be myself…

I dont really know why, the feeling is just inside me and i cant get it out of my head, and everyday is getting worse, since i am lonely, i dont have friends, or anyone that i can openly talk about this, the small group of friends that i have, are persons that cant dont even answer me, they just forget that i exist, everyone forgets about me, and that just really hurts, i feel like im being left behind by everyone… I just feel like everyone hates me, everytime that i start a conversasion with someone it goes well, but at some point im going to be left, even by the people i considered my bestfriends.

Honestly i’ve done somethings to myself that im not proud of, leaving permanent scars on myself, and im starting to have bad thoughts again, im starting to think about ending everything, i just feel like earth isnt a place for me, i dont have a place here or anywhere. In school even though i was doing something i thought i liked i felt like i wasnt meant to be there, at work i felt like i wasnt meant to be there even though i loved what i was doing and everyone around me, in my group of friends, i felt like i wasnt meant to be there too, i just never felt like i was needed anywhere, or that i had a place for myself…

Even though i think about ending everything, i know i cant do it, i am too coward to do it, but honestly if anything were to happen to me, i dont think i would do anything to defy it…

I know that i am mixing a lot of things here and im sorry, the thing is, i want help, and i feel like i need help, i just cant express myself on why and i start to do this, mixing everything and hope that someone understands what im saying…

Sorry for anything and thanks for reading this, hope you all are doing great and surpass anything you are going through.

[leah_36]

Hi AlexSousa!! Welcome to heartsupport. Im so glad that you came on here to share how you are feeling. You never have to be sorry for coming here and expressing how you feel, that is what we are all here for, because alot of us on here have something that we are strugging with. I understand how you feel. You are not a horrible person, we are human, and we have feelings that we have every right to have. I know it hurts when you feel like you are all alone in this big world, and no one cares about you and how you are feeling, it makes things difficult to look at things positively. The light at the end of the tunnel will not shine through no matter how hard we try and find it. You are not alone in this. I have been betrayed multiple times by the people i thought were my best friends as well, and it puts you in a negative head space. That is not your fault. You matter. You matter to me. I admire you for coming on here and speaking your truth. I know it was not easy, especially with English being your second language, you did beautifully. I care about you, and so do many others on here. You can have a new group of friends here. We are all going through this together. You have a place here. You are definitely not a coward for wanting to live. I want you to continue to live life, and that is never something that is cowardly. Im so glad that you want help. I would love an update on how you are doing. You never have to apologize for wanting to make moves in your life. I know it took alot of courage to come on here, and im so glad you did. If you ever want to talk, I am here for you. Please keep me updated. I would love to know how you are. Thank you again for sharing this post.