Feeling depressed, and a little suicidal, I have autism and have spent my whole life being an outcast, bullied in school, being the weird freak in start of adult hood, going online being seen as an annoying troll.
Even at one point my own family wanted me gone… It just makes me think whats wrong with me…why doesnt the world want me…
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Hi @v4ventetta
Im sorry you are feeling so down, Its very sad that you feel that people have such bad feelings about you. Are these things what people have said or what you think they believe you are because they are two very different things and quite important?
Being Bullied in School was cruel and not easy to overcome im sure, these people are mean and normally have their own self esteem problems and only get by, by taking it out on others. What they say is not true its said to cause as much hurt as possible and they are good at it. As hard as it is, please try to remember these people are no longer valid in your life and what they said was not either.
I am not sure why you consider youself a “weird freak” you don’t come across as wierd or a freak. You just seem to be unhappy in your life at the moment and need to find some way of making that change, that isnt weird or freaky, quite the opposite actually, its very sensible and mature to want to change yourself and your life for the better by asking questions and making adjustments.
As you do that, you will realise that you are wanted, you are not hated everywhere you go, you are not hated here. I most certainly do not hate you, see you as annoying or not want you. I would love to hear that you are making steps to be more content with youself and your life, becoming happier, feeling better and doing the things that you want to do and most importantly ignoring all the negative things you have been told in the past.
You are a Special Person, You are Valid and You are Loved. never forget that.
Much Love
Lisa 
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Thank you, I have not shown my weird or annoying self on here, and its a combination of both, assuming based off vibes and get and also being told these things. Everywhwere i go people seem to be annoyed by me or cant handle me, and im hurt because i was recently in a community online who i thought were new friends but realised they were all being pricks and it saddens me that i left and none of them gave a shit and they r all living their happy dappy lives despite on how they hurt me.
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Hey @v4ventetta,
Thank you so much for opening up about how you feel and for being here.
I’m sorry you were treated poorly by people in your life, and even recently in this online community you mentioned. It’s not fair. You don’t deserve to be treated like an outcast. No one does. Even when someone has an issue with someone else, there are ways to try to resolve the situation in a respectful and mature way. It’s not okay to make fun of someone, mock them, bully them, just because we are “annoyed” by them.
What these people did, how they choose to address the situation, was immature and not loving. I understand how that kind of situation make you doubt and question yourself. But I really want to insist on one thing: people’s behaviors are not the reflection of who we are. It is the manifestation of their decisions, their sense of accountability, their values, their struggles as well. Overall, it’s about them, not you. If someone has an issue with you, they could also calmly talk about it with you, and discuss how you could learn to know each other better. That’s not what they did, and that decision is on them.
You belong in this world. There is nothing wrong with you. You are deserving of love and respect. You are enough as you are.
If it can counteract a little this thought “why doesn’t the world want me”, then know that right here in this community you are loved unconditionally. You don’t have to be someone you are not. You don’t have to wear a mask. You don’t have to “fit” in any criteria. You are loved as you are. It may be a difficult idea to wrap your head around as you’ve been somehow used to be rejected before, but I can assure you that there is no general rule behind your life experiences that would apply. You are not doomed or made to be an outcast. You just haven’t found your people yet.
We love you here. We care about you. We are not afraid of learning to know you better or see your “weird self” on here. All of that you are is what makes you unique, and beautiful. This world can be extremely cruel, and through life experiences I too felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. Freeing myself, little by little, from others judgment, hatred and limitations has been the greatest gift I ever gave to myself. It’s not easy, as there are many doubts and setbacks too. But it’s worth it to not let people who spread hatred and hurt to have authority over us, and over how we see ourselves. You are not what they did. You are not what they said.
Thanks a lot for writing this, your right. Thank you it means a lot, I will try remember this when I do feel that way. Thank you.
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