Up. Down . Up . Down. Fuck bipolar . I’ve had a manic episode over the past two days and now I’m feeling intense guilt. Guilt for being moody and for having more than one personality. When I’m in a manic stage, I can’t even tell you if I mean what I say because I get so cocky and elevated that nothing matters. Now I just feel guilty and I hate myself. Why can’t there be a balance? I’m back to wanting to isolate and telling everyone to fuck off. I can’t get anything right. I wish I was gone.
I’m sorry friend. I know it’s insanely hard to have this rollercoaster of emotions. Please, don’t beat yourself up for that. You didn’t ask for bipolar. It’s something that happens to be on your road and you’ll need to learn to live with it. And you can do it. You can take actions to anticipate those mood changes when feelings are less intense. Give yourself some time. For your treatment to adjust, for your body to rest and for your soul to heal. You’re gonna be okay.
I don’t think you can’t do anything right… because you’re here right now and you keep writing, you keep trying. This isn’t something that makes you a failure at all. If you can’t see the beauty in yourself right now, then that’s okay. It’s only temporary. And there’s still love for you friend. It will never fade away, no matter what.
Take some deep breaths. You’re growing, you’re learning to know yourself right now. There’s no guilt to have for what you’re experiencing. This isn’t your fault.
Sending much love your way.
Hi friend, as someone who is also bipolar, I understand the struggles and battle of mania. It can be really hard to control sometimes. Especially if you don’t have some sort of game plan to help yourself when you fall into that. I no longer have medication to help me balance my moods and spells, so it can be tough sometimes.
I also understand how easy it is to hate yourself and carry that burden of guilt because I also carry those same feelings. It’s a hard process to learn how to love ourselves and be gentle on our brains. It’s important that we find a way to not be so harsh on our brains and instead find ways to help get through it.
I’ve learned it’s something I have to face. It’s a process. But you have a lot of people here willing to listen if you need to talk it out. You can get it right my friend. Just takes some patience with yourself. You’ll get there.
I don’t want you to be gone. That would be really sad. Love you friend, stay strong okay?