Having a difficult time with my aunt and cousin

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Another week of suck in the books and this week has already set itself up to be a sequel. Right now I am sitting in the waiting room of the mental hospital after my cousin went into crisis.

About three weeks ago my aunt’s brother died very unexpectedly and it has really been bothering my cousin. With my aunt’s lung condition she can’t stand harsh chemicals and the bathroom is needing a thorough cleaning so she was going to go to my other cousin’s apartment for a day or two while I clean the bathroom and shampoo the carpet.

The last few days my cousin has hit his breaking point and tonight it finally caught up with him. It is not only about his uncle but nearly every male in his life has died. His dad died at when my cousin was at 23 months, my dad died back in 2017, he had another uncle who died in 2019, one of his close friends died in 2020 just before all hell broke loose with COVID.

My aunt herself seems to be forgetting a lot of things and getting more confused at times. Friday she had a fall and is still stove up from it. My cousin sees this and knows her condition is not great and it is having an effect on him.

To make things worse as if they are not bad enough already. My aunt and cousin have this little ankle biter dog. The dog is very old and on his last legs. When something happens to him it is going to tear my aunt and cousin up and will probably upset me a bit. I am going to have to take him to the vet and I fear what will be said.

This week also is going to be difficult for me as well. Thursday would have been my dad’s birthday. Two years ago I had so much anxiety that day I had to go to the doctor and get medicine for anxiety. Last year in the days leading up to it I was really having anxiety again but the day went well.

I will say one thing good is that I finally am going to get away for the day next month. Our local heritage railroad has brought back excursions from Chattanooga to north Georgia and I plan on doing a 96 mile steam train excursion.

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Thanks for being here.
First, I have seen about those train trips and they sound so fun!
Sounds like you have a lot of things on your shoulders. I am glad you are getting a little break for yourself. It is important.

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Hey friend, it’s so good to hear from you. I know you’ve been going through a lot with your aunts health and it must have been so scary with her fall.
How did the cleaning go? It’s so kind of you all to make a plan to be able to think of her health as well as clean your environment.

I know your cousin and aunt will find the health of their dog a very hard thing to come to terms with. It’s never easy to see a friend hurting. And they really are very good and close friends.

I’m so glad to hear that you’re having a break for yourself. I know you do a lot of loving and care for your family, and it’s always so beautiful how much you do for them.
You definitely deserve some free time!
I hope that this also will help the anxiety and fear of your dad’s anniversary feel a little lighter too.

Looking forward to hearing from you again

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hey crash,

as always, thank you for being here and updating the forum on how you’re doing. there is so much weighing heavily on your heart and i’m so sorry you have to endure it in the first place. i hope your cousin is finding the help he needs at the hospital - it’s probably a comfort to him to know you were in the waiting room. and i know you’re doing the best you can with your aunt, their dog, and your heart. but i bet it’s hard as well to manage it all even when you’re doing you’re best. i hope you’re able to take some time for yourself to truly check-in with what you need to feel okay. especially as your dad’s birthday approaches, please know you can give yourself the grace to prioritize your own mental health after caring for your family as much as you have. i think that steam train excursion especially will be an incredible and well-deserved break for your mind and heart. thank you for all you do for others and i hope you can offer that same care to yourself. you’re amazing and you are so loved. hope to hear from you again real soon!

love,
twix

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Trigger warning: This post will touch on someone hinting at suicide.

Last week was brutal but late last week things started looking up but once again all hell has broken loose today.

Last week Monday was fairly sane. I wound up going back to the Chinese buffet and loading up on seafood something that right now I can’t get enough of.

Tuesday my aunt and I took the dog to the vet. While the news wasn’t great it wasn’t as bad as I was dreading. At least they did not suggest putting him to sleep. That being said he is nearly blind and his arthritis is really bad. They did get him on some medicine that seems like it may be helping. Then that afternoon my aunt had an appointment with her doctor about her fall.

Tuesday night about 11 I am settling down for the night when I get a call. My cousin was having chest pain and they were taking him to the emergency room. I wound up spending all night in the emergency room with him sitting on chairs that had zero padding. By the time he got discharged my rear was beyond sore. I took him back to the mental hospital so he could finish his treatment. By the time I got home it was going on 7.

About 12 I had to take my aunt to the lung doctor for what I thought was a regular appointment. This appointment took at least an hour and as long as she was there her oxygen tank ran out. Once her appointment was done we had to wait for the oxygen company to bring a new tank. Then they wanted blood work so we had to go to the hospital across the street and of course we went to the wrong place. The whole ordeal of the doctors, waiting for a tank, and blood work took about 4 hours.

In one of those rare moments where something went right I almost turned down a road to go to the freeway but changed my mind. About the time I would have been going by there they had a haz-mat incident. When I got home I was beyond exhausted.

Thursday was the day I cleaned the bathroom. My aunt decided that she would just stay home and go to a different part of the house. After I finished we went to Walmart which is something I loathe. After my aunt got what she needed we went home. The pharmacy had made a mistake with her medicine so that evening I had to take her to CVS. After this was done I dropped her off and drove around a while and went to Long John Silvers because I was still fish hungry.

On Friday my cousin was discharged and after I picked him up I had to get his medicine. Saturday night at work he called saying he had seen something that upset him on the Internet and I told him what medicine to take. Sunday he was fine but last night I noticed he was talking on the phone to someone rather late but didn’t think much of it.

This morning me and his mom were cleaning her bedroom when my cousin got depressed and had an episode. My aunt tried to calm him but he lashed out saying his dad wasn’t here and neither is his uncle. My aunt said something to which my cousin said he wasn’t going to be here much longer either. My aunt asked what he meant but he wouldn’t elaborate.
They brought a CPAP machine and after the guy got here my cousin asked could we get out. While we were out he asked me to take him back to the mental hospital. I called his mom and asked her about it and without hesitation she said take him.

Once again he is back in the mental hospital and the way he acted last time he really didn’t want to come home. I have no clue what is going to happen. This evening I took him some clothes and drove around to clear my mind. My aunt and I had a sit-down after I got home and we came up with a couple of ideas.

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I think I am getting close to hitting my breaking point. I was driving around yesterday evening and for a while I was thinking about all the hell I have gone through in my life. Hell that started on October 2, 1988 when I was 3 years old. I slept with my grandmother, that morning I woke up, she didn’t. Then there were the two floods I went through at ages 5 and 9. That is the tip of the iceberg and I could probably post for a long time but I don’t want to bore you.

Yesterday evening the thought got in my head that I have fought all my life and at the moment I am tired of fighting. I don’t have any real friends my age to hang out with. I go to church and I am the youngest person there. The next oldest person is about 12 years older. I don’t want to go to a different church because the people there are like family.

Even the train ride I am taking I am going by myself. The only people I have is my aunt and cousin. My cousin, right now there is questions about whether he wants to come home or not and my with aunt’s health I know she is not going to be around for a long time.

While I feel like I am tired of fighting I don’t want to die. Furthermore it goes against how I was raised and how I have lived.

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Well my cousin came home two weeks ago and is doing quite well. I would still consider him to be a bit fragile as far as his mental health goes but he has improved.

Today was the day of my train ride and honestly I don’t recall the last time I enjoyed myself so much. It certainly was a well needed thing and I fell much better.

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It has been a while since I have updated things. Right now I have been down and I suspect that the holidays may be playing a role in things. I am missing my parents and I really miss having a cat plus not having anybody. As I said in an earlier post I really don’t have any friends or relatives beyond my aunt and cousins.

My biggest issue going on is my job. I take care of people with special needs in a residential setting. There have been a lot of changes over the past few months and more are coming. There was one guy I really enjoyed working with but he died of cancer back in the spring. Originally the plan after this happened was to relocate the two remaining and close that house down. One thing about my job is there are always a bunch of openings so I would have been transferred elsewhere so I didn’t worry about whether or not I would have a job plus I work the shift no one wants so I would have had options. They moved one out that has been one of my favorite people to work with and I would have loved to have transferred to his new house except the guy they moved him with is someone I have zero desire to work with again.

Then after this move they decided to keep the house I work in open and the person they put there is very difficult to work with. They have yet to get any of his behaviors under control and now the ones over the department are obsessed about putting a third person there. The person they are putting is about like the one they just put there. From what I heard the one they are putting in came for a visit and it was obvious that they likely wouldn’t get along. I am planning on transferring out after the holidays but I really hate to. The thing I am concerned about is the house I am in has a little higher pay so going elsewhere will hurt financially and will put pressure on me mentally, but staying there is not helping me mentally either.

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So the past few days I have had a head cold. My aunt and cousin both caught it and my aunt is not happy about it and yesterday morning was really upset towards me because she got my cold. This isn’t the first time she has caught something I got but it is the first time she has been upset with me because she caught something off me. I am worried hers is going to turn into pneumonia which would potentially mean she would get more upset with me. Let me just say I do everything within my power to avoid getting her sick.

Then to add insult to injury I got a call from where my storage locker was that my unit had been broken into. I had a couple of guns in it but honestly I am not that worried about losing them. I was still sick today so I don’t know what else got taken. A lot of the stuff in there was junk and I am so far keeping the attitude of it was just stuff and my really good things are not in this life but are awaiting for me in heaven. However this evening I have been thinking of other things I had up there and not certain whether or not they still were there. I did file a police report and the officer taking the report said it is going to be very difficult to find the guns since I didn’t have a serial number. Also he told me that if I noticed more things missing I can add it to my report later.

That being said I am not mad at the people who done it. I have forgiven them and I am hoping that they change their lives.

As far as my job situation goes they had some changes to upper management at my department and decided it best to not bring a third person in right now. I am fine staying there as long as it is two. I can tolerate the behaviors of the one.

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Crash, I’m so glad to hear from you again. I’m very sorry that you are unwell and I’m very sorry that your aunt caught the illness.
I know you do all you can to care for her, and I am sure her reaction to getting sick has been out of worry and anxiety. I am also sure that you have also had worry and anxiety trying to look after her and not knowing if something worse may transpire from it.

I am sooo frustrated for you and feel for you to have had your storage locker broken in to. I know that belongings aren’t always the most important, but it’s an uneasy feeling to know someone has invaded your space and have taken things that cost you money and belong to you.
You obviously have a really genuinely good heart to be able to express forgiveness over the situation and to those who have done the wrong thing and I admire that about you.

I hope your job becomes easier for you and that you can enjoy being in that space.

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Interesting day yesterday. Last night I am at work when my aunt texts me saying that my cousin had thrown up all over the bathroom. I call her ask her about my cousin and she says that she suspects that it is due to all the colas he has drank. She also says the bathroom is in terrible shape and she can’t use it but it will be fine until I get home. After I hang up I began to think about the past few days and my cousin was super thirsty and ask has he checked his blood sugar lately as thirst is a sign of high blood sugar. I never get a response. As I am driving home from work I get sick thinking about having to clean up puke.

After I got home my cousin is very weak and wants me to take him to get a lemonade. I check his blood sugar and the meter is unable to give a number because it is over 600. Needless to say I take him to the emergency room. When they do bloodwork they discover his sugar is over 1,200. Obviously they admit him. Then while we are waiting on a room my aunt texts me saying she is going to my other cousin’s apartment so I can clean the bathroom.

I finally leave the hospital close to 2. Since I hadn’t ate in nearly 12 hours I am very hungry. Thankfully about a mile from the hospital are several restaurants. I decided that I would go to Golden Corral because I was that hungry.

I did go back to the hospital after some rest to take my cousin some clothes and he seemed like he was doing much better. Since my aunt is at my other cousin’s I am going to take the opportunity to clean the bathroom really good and I did clean up the mess my cousin made.

Then in the evening I was super thirsty and given what had just happened I was worried I was diabetic and my sugar was high. So I checked my blood sugar and thankfully it was normal.

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Another round of meyhem started Friday. On Friday my cousin came to my door saying he was having pain and needed to go to the emergency room. Thankfully it wasn’t anything serious and he was discharged within a few hours. I went home and went to get some sleep but only slept about 30 minutes. Then I had to go to Walgreens to pick up the prescriptions. While there I get a call from my aunt. She says she thinks she is going to have to go to the emergency room and asks could I call out from work that night. With what is going on at work and me be in the emergency room earlier she didn’t have to twist my arm for me to do so.

I get back and check her sugar and it was high because she had forgotten to take her insulin. Thankfully a couple of hours later it had gone down and she didn’t have to go to the emergency room. My impromptu night off actually was an eye opening experience as it actually felt good to have a break from work because that has been very stressful as well which I will get to momentarily.

Saturday morning about 6 my cousin knocks on my door saying my aunt had fallen and hit her head. Thankfully I was able to get her up rather easy. Saturday night I had to work and the person that had trying before has regressed in his behavior improvement and they have not gotten his sleep under control. As a result Saturday night was stressful on me.

Sunday I get home from work and my aunt is feeling better. She is wanting to take a bath and my other cousin was coming to help her. For some reason my aunt wanted to sit down in the tub. My cousin knocked on my door. So for the second time in as many days I had to get my aunt up.

Last night at work the one who has behaviors gave me hell and stayed up until 5 a.m. This morning at 8 I leave work and was actually feeling decent. I start my staycation from work which is time off I need. On Monday mornings they have a men’s meeting and breakfast at church so I am sitting in the parking lot waiting on others to arrive when I get a call from my cousin. My aunt thinks she is getting pneumonia again and needs to go to the emergency room. As I am headed home to pick up my aunt my cousin calls again saying that her chest is hurting and that he is calling an ambulance which actually benefits me as I was a lot closer to the hospital than the house. Right now I am at the hospital and my aunt doesn’t seem as bad as she gets sometimes when she has pneumonia so hopefully she caught it in time.

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Hey crash! It sounds like on one hand things are a little better, but still a bit precarious at the same time. It’s almost like the balancing point isn’t quite centred and any little thing could tip it. Like forgetting to take the insulin, having a fall or catching a cold that could easily turn to pneumonia.

How is your job going? I hear you saying that the behaviours of that one person have digressed again, that must be so difficult, especially since you seem to working through the night and have so much that you’re constantly looking out for as it is.

I hope that this time off can bring some much needed rest and restoration to your body and mind

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My aunt did have pneumonia but they caught it early enough. She spent a couple of nights in the hospital but came home Wednesday. Everything seemed to be going good and then this morning happened.

I had gotten up to use the bathroom and noticed my aunt’s oxygen tubing wasn’t going to her room and was going towards the den. Sometimes when my aunt and cousin are in the den watching television I will pop in a minute and see what they are watching. When I did that this morning my aunt said my cousin was feeling depressed. I talked to him a few minutes and decided to join them. My cousin had taken one of his pills they gave him when he gets like that and about 20 minutes later he said he was going back to bed. I went back to my room and about 10 minutes later he knocked on my door asking me to take him to the mental hospital.

They wound up admitting him. The thing is my aunt and I have no clue what brought this on. Even the counselor seemed puzzled as she asked me what was going on after talking to him.

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So my staycation from work turned into a nightmare. Sunday night the mental hospital called and said my cousin was having chest pain and they were sending him to the emergency room. He had nothing serious going on and they released him back to the mental hospital. I took him back and it took a long time before me and the staff could convince him that he had to go back. He wanted to leave A.M.A but they couldn’t do that until he spoke with the doctor in the morning. Finally after about 20 minutes he agreed to go back. Monday evening he was still upset but talked to his mom and he agreed with her that right now he was in the best place for him.

Tuesday morning about 6 my aunt let me know she was feeling really bad. I told her I thought she needed to go to the emergency room. When I was driving her there I didn’t know if she was going to even make it to that point. To make matters worse I couldn’t get over in time and couldn’t go the fastest way to the emergency room. Then the fuel light in the truck came on. I got to a gas station and by that point she seemed a little better and I figured she would make it to the hospital. I get her to the emergency room and she is doing a little better. Once again it is pneumonia and once again she is admitted. My other cousin was planning on relieving me but she had a mess at her job she needed to tend to. About 2 p.m. they finally get her up to her room and I get to leave.

That evening my cousin calls and for the first time since he went in the mental hospital he sounds better. Yesterday he is continuing to sound better and I expect him to be discharged either today or tomorrow. My aunt also is doing much better and will be discharged in a day or two.

Tuesday evening I was in Aldi and saw leg of lamb on special. I had never really eaten lamb before other than sliced in gyros so I decided to buy it. Last night I cooked a nice meal and enjoyed it plus I had enough for lunch today. That being said this morning I am feeling down. I think the effects of the past few weeks have taken their toil on me. Tomorrow I have to go back to work and I am dreading it. Sometimes early in the morning I will go in the den and watch Bob Ross. This morning I went in the den but just didn’t feel like doing that.