I’m having a lot of feelings of guilt surrounding my relationship with my dad and brother, I have been having a lot of anxiety and think that I’ve done something wrong, i’m in trouble and I feel like I just can’t move. If you don’t know, I cut my mom off almost a year ago and since then, I’ve slowly distance myself from my dad and have felt like I need to distance myself from my brother. I’ve come to the realization (slowly) that my dad was very passive in the trauma that I experienced with my mom, and although I haven’t communicated how I feel about the passiveness to my dad, I feel like I just have to stop talking to him, without any heads up to him, because I’m just so tired and partly traumatized from dealing with confrontation in the past. I know it’s not right that I’m not communicating, but I just shut down when I think about it. I broke communication with my mom without warning to her and although I think it was best for me to do it that way, my dad wasn’t nearly as mean or awful as she was. I feel bad because I feel like I’m pushing him away and I bet he feels sad I don’t talk to him much anymore. I tend to think about what he might be thinking and I bet he thinks that something’s wrong with me or that I’m up to something or in trouble, and I get so much anxiety over thinking that, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. Does that make sense? I feel like I can’t explain my situation with me not talking to my mom to my brother because I don’t want to ruin or harm his relationship with her, as she is a lot nicer and caring with him and I think they have a pretty good relationship. I haven’t told him that I don’t talk to our mom anymore and I also tend to think in his shoes about this situation, he probably thinks something is wrong or I’m in trouble. And it just gives me so much anxiety but instead of communicating, I just want to shut down and honestly at this point, just stop talking to all of them. I don’t want to make up excuses, but I feel like this might be a trauma response. Now that I’ve gotten my mother out of my life, I now want to lose connection with everyone attached to her. Does that make sense? Is that valid? I don’t want to make up excuses for not communicating because I know I could do better, I just don’t know what to do. My dad has been trying to come up with a time to come and see me since I haven’t seen him or spoken to him on the phone for maybe almost a year now, but I just don’t wanna see him. I’m partially angry at him and I just don’t feel a connection to him anymore. I feel AWFUL about it, I am riddled with so much guilt about it, but I feel like I can’t help it. I didn’t call my mom on mother day (obviously) and haven’t spoken to my dad or brother in maybe almost three weeks, and my brother just tried calling me this morning and when I saw the notification, my mind just automatically went to “im in trouble” “everyone is angry at me” “everyone is worried about me”. I just went this to stop, and I feel like that’s why my brain is just going straight to “cut contact with all of them”. I just don’t know what to do and I’m really freaking out right now and am on the verge of a panic attack. Have I done something wrong? I feel awful and feel so much guilt, all because I did the right thing and cut contact with a person who was really bad for my life
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It sounds like a really tough situation. That you are super conflicted in. I think that all of your feelings are valid. Towards each of those family members separately, and towards the whole of the situation. I think maybe what might be causing conflict is that. You have certain individualized feelings that make you think one way, but as a whole it seems you feel you have to move on from it all. I’ve never been through a situation like this one. So I can’t necessarily say what I think is the right, or wrong calls. Or anything like that, but I think you should go with your gut, and make the decisions that are best for you, and your happiness. Sorry I can’t be of more help! I hope for the best in your situation - Thrice
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