Having a rough month

[MMA79]

I can’t seem to get my anxiety under control. I sit here and cry over the smallest things.
I was on meds for almost 20 years and I was beginning to see the side effects of long term use. It has been 2 years since I’ve gotten off them. I think I need to get back on them but I hate the way I feel either way and I don’t know what to do anymore. Every day is filled with thoughts of quitting my job, walking away from everything.

[ofmiceandben]

Hey there, @MMA79. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a rough month. I can relate to how you’re feeling, please remember that you’re never alone. If you think going back on medication would be good for you, I’d suggest bringing it up to your doctor or whoever prescribes them to you. I’d also reccommend a therapist if you don’t have one. They’re always there to help you through whatever you’re dealing with. I hope that you find some peace and something to help the way you’re feeling. Much love, friend. Hold fast.

[twixremix]

hey @MMA79 ,

thank you for being a part of this heartsupport community and sharing this part of you. it’s definitely understandable that your anxiety is uncontrolled after 20 years of medicating it. 20 years is a long time and it’s no wonder you started to see those long-term effects. i hope your doctors were able to give you a solid treatment plan for those effects though, my friend.

would it be beneficial to speak to your doctor about a less intense medication that’s been proven to have less long-term effects? with the advancements of medicine in the past decades, it might not hurt to look into it. while i don’t know the long-term effects are for your medication, i do want to think that this state of uncontrolled anxiety and crying frequently will hurt your physical health more than when medicated. i’m not a doctor by any means but i have experienced how unmedicated anxiety caused me to go to the hospital at 16. so if anything, i do hope you can tend to your anxiety whether it’s speaking to a professional, finding a lower dose of meds, or self-care.

the thoughts you’re also having seem overwhelming, maybe even tempting, but it would only cause more anxiety and frustration down the line if you make any abrupt decisions like quitting your source of income. have you looked into other companies that are hiring? if you need a change of pace, try securing a new job first if you can.

hope to hear from you soon and will keep you in my thoughts as you continue your journey in controlling your anxiety.

love,
twix

[Lisalovesfeathers]

Hi @MMA79
Thank you so much for your post, I’m Lisa, its lovely to meet you.
I am sorry you are having such a rough time with your anxiety and from the sound of it some depression is sneaking in there too which is understandable when you cant stop feeling anxious,
I can relate to the long term use of medication, I have been on prescribed meds for just over 30 years and it would terrify me to come off of them so I think you were wonderfully brave to make that leap to begin with.
Saying that, its a massive leap and it looks as if you are struggling a bit and its ok to ask for a bit of help if you are, its not a failure of any kind its just that your mind is asking for a little assistance at the moment and this time after 20 years you have the advantage of different medications that wont be so harsh. I changed mine last year, it was a tough time coming down to change but worth it in the end.
It would be worth having a really good talk with your GP about what is available and what would work best for you. My Meds are specifically for depression but anxiety based as that is my main issue. so they are available.
Its ok not taking them but uncontrollable anxiety and upset is no way to live. You deserve both happiness and health.
See what you Dr says, happy to chat anytime with you.
Much Love
Lisa

[Micro]

Hey @MMA79,

Anxiety can be such a nightmare to live with. I’m so very sorry that you have been going through such a rough time lately. As someone who also struggles with anxiety on a daily basis, there are times when I feel very helpless. And it is so sneaky that what causes us to struggle is also what feeds many lies in our mind about recovery itself.

I hear what you say about medications and I imagine that it might be disappointing to you to feel like you need to get back to them. Maybe there would be ways to find some middle ground though, like a lesser dosage for example? Maybe it could be combined with some soft medicine too? In any case, it would be good to talk about it with your doctor, as they’d be able to advise you regarding your specific situation, needs and history.

On a side note, have you been in therapy during the years you were on medications? Oftentimes, these need to be combined together, just so besides meds themselves we also have ways to cope and manage our anxiety. It rarely disappears as such. But with the right long-term routines and short-term coping mechanisms, we can learn to live with it in a way that is not affecting us too much.

Your pain deserves to be heard. I strongly encourage you to reach out to your doctor about it. It is a safe connection to make that doesn’t engage you in anything. Let them know about your situation, but also your reservations. They will be able to guide you in the right way.

I hope you’ve managed to rest a bit and to find some peace since you’ve posted. You are in my thoughts.

Hold Fast.