I have ADD. I’ve felt weird all my life. I stumbled upon an article about autism in females and havent been able to forget it ever since. I’ve told about this in doctor’s office (second appointment today) but they think I only have strong traits but couldn’t get the diagnosis. From the start I doubted myself all along but now I feel ashamed because I feel like I’m a fraud. My brain tells me I lie. It was the same thing with my attention deficit disorder. For the longest time I convinced myself I made it all up. I feel the same now. On the other hand I really feel like I could be autistic and just be very good at masking. I’ve masked all my life.
I feel like I can’t get my mind at peace because I think about, what if I have it and now can’t get evaluated. Or what if I don’t have it and in wasting doctor’s time and lying to everyone. How do I forget I ever considered having autism?
Hi porridgeprincess
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I think many people can relate to what you are saying. You feel there is something wrong with you then you find out about something that might be it but you start being unsure about it because you just dont know if it is serious enough or if you are just making it up.
Let me tell you something. When i first read about depression i was relieved that i have found out why i was feeling the way i was but then i started to wonder if i am not making it up because “well i dont have any abnormalities in my eating habits i just eat a bit less” “well yes i have problems falling a sleep but that is just the stress from school” “well yes i am thinking dark thoughts but i was always a pessimist that is just the way i am”.
I am suffering from depression. And i think your autism is also not made up. Autism is not 100% or nothing. It is on a scale. You might not have all the symptoms but that does not matter. Let your doctor or any doctor make an assesment of you. You will learn where on the autism spectrum you stand and that will end these questions that plague your mind. I wish you luck.
