I want to die. Just to fall asleep one day and not wake up. It would be nice to finally not feel like a burden on others. To not feel pain anymore. I keep dreaming that I’m on the train tracks and the train is rushing towards me. I wish I’d have the guts to actually do it sometimes. I’m too afraid to actually do anything. I can’t wait to tell my therapist. I just hope I don’t get sent to the mental hospital. I wasn’t treated right there… I don’t know what to do… I just want to fade away…
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I know what that feels like, to want to fade into nothingness. I am in that place right now. I want to do it, but I’m afraid of what will hate my friends and family when I am gone.
I don’t think I could talk myself into doing it… No matter how bad I’d want to… I’ve been told that I’m strong but I feel so empty.
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Hey @that_pigeon, I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. I’ve been in a place that sounds like it’s similar to where you are right now, I really feel for you. You made such an important point – what you really want isn’t to be gone, but for the pain to stop. They’re very different. There are much better ways of helping you to get through, and I know there are lots of people on here with experience with this sort of journey. It’s really great that you’re sharing here, it was a very good step. 
To have made it this far through all of the pain you’re talking about, shows you clearly have strength. It’s okay not to feel strong, sometimes being strong just looks like making it through the day. It’s a quieter type of strength, but it’s true all the same. To just keep moving forward takes all of our energy sometimes, but that doesn’t at all make you weak. You’re doing great.
You mentioned wanting to talk to your therapist about this and I think that’s a very good idea. Do you have an appointment coming up soon? I’d also like to recommend this page (click me) so that you can find a crisis line for your location. Calling them is the best thing you can do in a dark time. They have the training and experience to help, and they would be happy to help you.
How have you been over the past couple of days? I’ll be here to listen if you’d like to share more.
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you say all of this, but let’s hear your reasoning. I would like to know why?
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I’m doing much better. I just had a rough patch I guess. I was able to talk to my therapist and I managed to give my sharp things to the person I live with so I won’t be tempted to self harm again.
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Hey pigeon!
That’s really great to hear! Thank you for letting me know. I count this a very big success, I hope you’re feeling good about it too. If you want to talk more about anything, at any point, I’ll be here to listen.
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