Having trouble to make a single friend

From mysticalmysticx: At some point reaching adulthood…I realized I haven’t been in contact with my close friends since they are all busy. Work is okay… my co worker also has the same interest as me too so it’s not bad. I still have social anxiety when it comes to interacting and I’m mostly shy introverted type of person. I do enjoy doing things like guitar, anime and games stuff on my alone time. It’s nice I can do things I enjoyed myself but i just had this sense of feeling lonliness for some reason. I want to improve my socialize skills in the long run… so if you guys have any tips…I would like that.

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Hey mysticalmysticx,

I used to be very introverted up until maybe like a few years ago. One thing that helped me actually was gaming. I’ve played games online for years, and I’ve met some amazing people in voice chats. If there’s any games, or even any passions you have, try and find discord servers for them too! Those can be great to open yourself up socially a bit more and give you practice and go from there :slight_smile:

Hey mystical,

Good for you to acknowledge how you feel about being in connection with others, and wanting to work on this sense of loneliness that you’ve been experiencing. It is really strong to put words on our needs at a given time, especially when it could imply taking steps that seem scary to us at first. You can be proud of yourself for the way you know yourself and your willingness to work towards what you need more (or less) in your life right now.

Growing up and being an adult oftentimes makes creating new friendships more challenging, and it’s understandable that this is something you’ve been experiencing/observing in your life. Just so you know, it is not uncommon and you are definitely not alone in this. With school somehow, we spend so much time in an environment and we have to socialize there, which makes connections easier. As an adult, there can be less opportunities depending on your lifestyle, and so change sin your lifestyle might be a way to open the door to new people. A classic response would be to explore options with your hobbies: are there local groups or organizations that you could potentially join during your free time and revolve around your passions/interests? Usually, it helps to connect with others in this kind of environment because people rally around the same interests already, and you have things to discuss with people already :). It can be helpful, especially with social anxiety, to use the things you love in order to connect with others - you may feel more confident when initiating conversations around things you feel like you know well and can talk about.

Workplace is also a great place to socialize (people have to be there anyway and to get to know each other). If you don’t know how to small talk, you can try to think about how/who/what/why/when prompts. How was your week-end? (…) Oh, what did you do then? (…) Whan was the last time you went there? etc. It’s a nice way to show people you are interested by knowing them. At first, you could try to break the ice here and there in small increments - short conversations. At some point, it may unfold into inviting someone to take a coffee and spending time together off work.

On the other side, it’s nice to enjoy solitude when the right circumstances are present! I am socially anxious and introverted too, and I would definitely suggest to you to ensure that you preserve times during your week that are exclusively for you. To do things you like, enjoy this solitude and rest - physically and emotionally. This will help counterbalance the times when you are trying to get out of your comfort zone a little more.

You got this, friend! It takes time to meet new people and develop new relationships, but it is possible even with social anxiety. :heart:

Hello Mystical! Admitting that you are seeking a friend is a huge leap because most people say, " I don’t need a friend, I am fine all by myself." We think that this comment gives us a sense of strength, but it really makes us avoid the truth and that is that we all need companionship. In your case you have so many great hobbies that I am absolutely sure that once you put yourself out there you will not have any trouble finding a friend. For instance, you mentioned playing the guitar and gaming maybe you can connect with other people that also play the guitar and enjoy gaming. The truth is that you have so much to offer a friendship and I sincerely hope that you find a friend that will not only share your interests but someone that will also value you as a friend. Good luck Mystical!

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