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He Does Not Love Me

Hello, my english is kind of bad, but I will try to comunicate the better I can, so maybe I can get rid of this terrible feeling… I just wanna vent, after so many years keeping this to myself…

I love a man. I’m married to him, but I think that he does not love me, not the same way I do, at least. We are together almost 10 years by now, and I never hear any compliment about anything, also he does not kiss me or tries to have anything “lusty” with me, we can go almost a full year without even kissing… I try to make everything to impress him, to call his atention, but he only smiles and go back to his life.

He cheated on me once, with a random girl. It was only an online conversation, however he intended to meet her, but she refused. After this event (that I said that I would forget) I’ve been feeling terrible about myself. I’m a singer, an Youtuber and a writer, and people around me always compliment my skills and (even some boys) my slight beauty. But I feel terrible that the only man that I love and want does not see me. He treats me well, he is nice and kind, but like he would be with any person, like his mother or a friend. He does not share his feelings, no matter how many times I ask. He never opens up, never No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it will never be enough to get his attention.

Am I being selfish? I’m not understanding his needs? We’ve been together for almost 10 years and I feel guilty about this. Everyday I think “maybe today he will kiss me, or say that I’m beautiful, or hear me singing and say that it was good” but it never happens, so I go to sleep in tears and wanting death… I know that I must be ugly, that there are millions and millions of girls who are better, more beautiful than me… But I just wanted to feel loved… I feel so crushed when he compliments other girls, it’s like I’m diyng a little every day. I try to hide my feelings the best I can, but my depression has come to a point that I don’t want to go out of my house, talk to anyone, work… I just wanna lay in bed and cry all day…

I said that I would forgive the cheating thing, but perhaps I’m not strong enough. I can’t forget he saying how the girl was beautiful, his dream coming true, and that he could not wait to see her. I feel so useless and horrible… Maybe I’m exaggerating, maybe every relationship is like this… I don’t know, I feel so lost, I don’t have anybody to talk… I just want to love myself again, and not wanting to destroy my own body every time I remember that I’m not loved, that nobody cares about me, that I’m unlovable…

Sorry that I could not be everything to you as you are to me…

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You are most definitely not the problem. For some reason he is not comfortable opening up. That’s all on him. Do not blame yourself for his lack of sensitivity or ability to show compassion and love to the woman he married. You are well worth it especially since you make a conscious effort to improve the situation. Trust your instincts they are there for a reason. You know right from wrong. It may feel hesitant at the time because the conditions and things you been through but that can change as well as healing.

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Honey, it’s totally understandable to feel hurt. Even after forgiveness it’s natural to feel the things that you feel when your emotional needs are not being met. It makes sense and your feelings are completely valid.

I think it’s important that you know that you ARE lovable. You ARE worthy of affection.

As someone who was previously married and in a relationship for 15 years, I understand these struggles because I had previously experienced something similar.

It’s really important that you pull your spouse aside and talk to them about how you are feeling. Share the hurt you are going through. Do it at a time that you can express your feelings calmly and just share everything on your heart. It’s so important to communicate in marriages. It’s how you keep the relationship nurtured. Maybe you can talk about how you can rekindle your intimate relationship.

Sometimes couples therapy can help as well. But it’s not always for everyone.

It’s not being selfish to want affection from your spouse. It’s not selfish to want to feel loved. We all have emotional needs that need to be met in a relationship. Every single one of us.

It’s also important that you know that him cheating on you does NOT mean you’re ugly and I’m really sorry that your own spouse has put that kind of insecurity in your mind.

I highly encourage you guys to talk. To share each other’s feelings and be open to one another. :heart:

You matter. Your feelings matter.

  • Kitty