He left me

my friend left me. i’d like to skip over the fact that i am in love with him but it might be of detail so i’ll just add it here. we were discussing our feelings and how last time we tried anything, i only ended up being the one hurt and he started feeling sad over it so i tried to comfort him but my words only made him more upset. i kept telling him it was okay but in the end, he just said he needs to stay away from me and that he’s sorry. it’s been three days and he’s even tweeted thats he hopes “they’ll forgive him for leaving” which i can only assume is about me? maybe. i don’t know but i don’t want him to leave. i’m going insane. romantic feelings aside, i love him so dearly. he is one of my top three friends, probably the second. i cant lose him… three days and my first thought every time i wake up is about him. EVERY thought i have is about him. it hurts so much. i did more of the “self harm” that i do even though i don’t consider it to be damaging. i want to bleed, though. i want to suffer. it’s what i deserve, right? i fucked up so badly he left me. he left me. i cant accept it. i don’t want to. i need him still. i wanted him in my life forever. why did i go and fuck things up? why did i do this? it hurts so much all of the time. all i ever wanted was to make him happy. it’s all he deserves and yet i managed to do the exact opposite :slight_smile: i hate myself so much. i just want him back.

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he gave me an apology. a good one. i still feel hurt though. i was literally begging him to not leave me and i was scared earlier for my safety during a severe tornado watch and messaged him out of panic and he still didn’t reply. i don’t know how to feel about anything

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Sometimes a little space can do wonders for relationships.
There seems to be a lot of high emotions at the moment. Sometimes when someone wants a bit of space and we try to convince them to stay it can push them further away. A little breathing room is healthy.
Sounds like he was also trying to consider your feelings. You mentioned that he was concerned that you’d feel hurt again.
Maybe you can take this time to focus on what you need for yourself.
You’re feeling some strong feelings about perhaps causing harm to yourself?
I know the pain when relationships break down, but your life has more value beyond this one person. I promise it gets easier.
What are some things we can do for now to make this easier? Do you have friends to spend time with so you’re not alone? Do you have some activities or hobbies to distract you so you’re not alone focusing on this situation?

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he left. completely. i don’t want to be alive

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I know I have you a lot to read through and think about, but the more time you spend just focusing on missing him and the suicidal feelings the harder it is to start to heal. I don’t want you to sit with those feelings, echo.
So how can we help you start to heal?

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From: ManekiNeko

just checking back in on you, echo. Thinking of you - Bimini

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From: AlexisPlushie

I can relate so much to this having lost many people and having self harmed, but you are not alone we are here for you and will support you, do not lose hope. Maybe you could setup a safety plan to help you when you get triggered by certain things or when you feel like you are going to be in crisis. Do you have anything you could focus on maybe? a hobby or something you like doing for example? -Alexis

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi echo, I’m so sorry that he’s left and really hope you talk some more and maybe make amends. It’s really hard to lose a friend, especially one you are in love with. I really hope that you’re ok. ~Mystrose

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, it is never easy when a friend walks away from you whether you love them or are in love with them, if you put your heart and soul into that friendship it is heartbreaking when things go wrong. I can certainly relate as i am sure can so many others, in the last few days has anything changed at all? If not please know that through the hurt will come better days and life will start to look up again and you are welcome to lean on us until that happens. You are a special and valuable person. Much Love Lisalovesfeather x

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, friend! I’m so sorry for the feelings you are feeling.

When you say he left completely does that mean that he has blocked you, has said he wishes for no contact, or is simply still not responding. If the last one then hopefully he just needs some space from the situation and will return again. I hope you can have a conversation with him and repair your friendship and find a way to let him understand that you do not care about your extra feelings and just want his friendship for as long as he is willing to be your friend.

That aside I know how much pain you are in right now, but I hope you can find it within yourself to accept this time and space to center yourself and see how important and valid you are apart from his existence. Because you are an amazing person who matters more than what someone thinks of you or what you are to another person. I encourage you to find some ways to distract yourself and become happy again with you and being alone.

Good luck and hold fast :hrtlegolove:

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Hi echo,

I just read your post and the thread. More than anything, I want to check that you’re okay. Are you safe? Do you have someone who can support you? Let us know. We see you here and we want to make sure that you’re safe.

Love can be such a tortuous emotion when it’s not reciprocated, especially when it’s mixed up with friendship too. I wish I could give you some advice, but I am also processing heartbreak atm. You’re not alone is experiencing this pain; it is bitter, relentless and cruel. However, it will pass and you can move on from this. You are more than this experience x

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