I haven’t really had an appetite in months now. Idk wtf is wrong but it’s getting to the point where I wont eat for days. I try to make myself eat as a reminder to take care of myself and my headmates, but in the end I just end up not eating or eating trash, getting a headache, and blocking the pain out for everyone but myself bc after all, that was on me.
I was wondering if anyone had an ideas on how to work an appetite back up. I only seem to have one when I’m happy or my head hurts, and other than that I just see no point in eating bc depression ig? I don’t have weight issues at all, I just, don’t see a point? I have… not been seeing a point to alot of things in general latley. I’m more so hoping its just that because tbh tho, bc I have also just in general not been getting physical reminders like stomach growling or pains.
I feel bad because I know I’m not the only one in the system with their own issues. Kio wants to get a chance in being around but because of me always being stressed he doesn’t get that chance and is irritated and questions genuinely about the point in living in such a terrible world. Apparently Kovu questions his existence and I didn’t know this until he started explaining how he came up, and I’m starting to realize how I treated him when I was little because I didn’t know he was real person.
I feel bad overthinking like this, it’s toxic for the system but I feel like I have to think about things or I won’t be able to protect us, but in the process of that everyone vanishes and… I don’t want that. That’s just… Horrible. I’m just, scared.
I’m finding the only thing that helps me vanish from the system and let them front is my own guilt in hurting them like this.
-X