Heart broken by something I knew it wouldn't work out

HeartSupport Support
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Hi guys!

This is my first time sharing my feelings here.
I’m 29/m from Brazil, my English is still on progress, so please excuse me if can’t express myself properly.

This is something I’ve been struggling with in the past few weeks.
I have to say that my struggle isn’t something as painful as many of you have been dealing with.
But I need to put these feelings into words to someone else to read.

A couple of months ago I met a girl, she is a fantastic person, but lately I feel she’s been kinda ignoring me. I can’t meet her in person, and she oftenly doesn’t reply my text messages.

After our first date, she told me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship, she wanted her freedom but she asked me if I still wanted to be with her with no strings attached. I said yes.
It had been a while since my last relationship, actually I wasn’t looking for anybody at that moment. But I liked the idea of having someone around to share some moments. Even wary of the situation, I tried to win her over.

After a month, she got sick pretty bad, but since I didn’t get in touch with her friends and relatives, I knew about that by her after she was getting out of the hospital.
Later she replied my messages less and less, and many times that I tried to reach her, she gave me short answers or even put me on hold.

This Monday I asked her what was she doing, she sent me a photo of a “casual” soccer match with a subtitle : “with a guy”. I felt like very conflicted, deep in my heart I wanted to ask her “wtf?”, but I couldn’t. I just asked if she was with someone else, and if the “other guy” had a name. She replied saying she was with him, and didn’t tell his name.

On that night I couldn’t sleep much, I felt so insecure, anxious and jealous, I could feel this darkness that I felt a few times in my short life once more. In my heart I want to believe she was only joking, because I don’t think she’s the kind of person that would deliberately hurt anyone like that.

On the next day I wanted so bad to confront her, I even prepared a present for her, so I could face her.
But after the day went by, this idea felt more and more wrong and deviant.
In the end of that day I had a change of heart. I wanted to step back of this messy situation, just tell her that I’m feeling hurt and insecure, and I don’t want to hurt her.

Right now I’m trying to meet with her and tell her I enjoyed being with her, but I can’t be with her anymore the way things are going now.

I couldn’t get to know her better to understand if she is dealing with any struggles or difficulties in her life. Maybe I went too soft on her. Or maybe she wasn’t ready to share with me.

I just hope she can find happiness somehow. Because I couldn’t help her with that.

Thank you for anyone that read this topic through the end.
Hope all of you can find true love in your lifes.

Please, keep sharing, keep supporting.

Love you guys!

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Welcome! Thanks for posting, you wrote that fine by the way!

I’m sorry that this girl has been treating you like this - it sounds like you deserve so much better. I think letting her know how you feel is a good idea, if you can’t face her in person, write out a letter outlining those feelings and give her the chance to say yes or no to meeting you to discuss it.
That being said, people can change and it hurts a lot, I know… If you guys weren’t able to see each other much and she said she didn’t want a relationship, maybe she had feelings for this guy but didn’t know how to tell you and didn’t want to hurt you. She might not even know what she’s doing. Please try not to take this too personally, you deserve better, you will find someone. Take a step back if it’s causing issues. You need to focus on keeping yourself in a good place mentally and it’s totally okay to cut the people that are causing you harm out for your own safety. Thank you for trusting us <3

Hold Fast
Kayla

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CwbES88,

Hey man, thankful that you posted here. Thanks so much for trusting us with your story. Really, really sucks about this girl. Sucks because things were going so well! And you had your hopes up that things would continue to go well! And now, it feels like she is breaking your heart, and you want her to want you, but it seems like she’s moving on, and you’re pissed. It feels like you just want her to wake up! To see you! But it feels in some ways that you are now a ghost to her, invisible, unimportant, and it hurts so much, and you just want to disconnect your heart from her, but it feels so hard to do.

I’m sorry you’re going through this emotional rollercoaster man. I want you to know something, though: who you are, your value as a man, your worth is not found in this woman. Her opinion of you makes no difference to the fact that you are enough, you are man enough, you are worthy, you matter, and you have what it takes.

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Thank you Nate for your support.
Means a lot.

I felt deceived, but after I shared with you guys I reflected not only about my feelings for her, but how I treated and took for granted my time with my ex girlfriend; and I never said to her I’m sorry that I didn’t give her enough support.

Im feeling much better being able to open myself here with you guys.

I think I’m able to this more oftenly, and also reply on other topics from the support wall.

Thank you Nate!

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Thank you Kayla!

It helps a lot not only having someone to listen /read about my silly problems but also being able to reflect about it.

I’ll send her a letter telling my feelings.

I’m feeling much better now, after I wrote here I also feel I can step back.

Thank you Kayla once more, and anyone else that read my topic til the end.
It means a lot.

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@NateTriesAgain and @Kayla how are doing?

Today I couldn’t meet in person with “her” , but I texted her and she texted me back.

Thanks to you I could find words to tell her how I was feeling without any kind of anger.
Unfortunately or not, I didn’t want to ask her about the other guy, or even she is hanging out with other people. Maybe I was afraid of getting hurt…

A lot of things have been going in her life. She didn’t want to share with me about her problems. And told she tries to deal with her struggles by her own.

So I said to her that she can trust in people around that loves her. Also telling that it can be hard to share her feelings, but if she could do it one day, I would be happy for her and proud of her.

Yes, I did step back on my feelings for her. I’m not feeling distressed about her anymore.

Maybe someday I can help her opening her heart, but she is the only one who can actually do it.

If I ever meet her face to face again, I want to show the heartsupport wall. Perhaps she could join this awesome community.

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I’m proud of you! Well done.
Time to focus on yourself and move forward.

Hold Fast
Kayla

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Dude! Holy COW! What an amazing step!! So proud of you man!!! For you to not just protect your own heart, but be in a supportive place for hers without feeling the need to rescue her, but support her if she needs it…WHAT A PROFOUND SHIFT!!! Great work, man! Thank you so much for the update, and for trusting us and taking action! Love love love this.

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Hey guys,

just to give you feedback about my mess.

Today we finally broke up.

Maybe, if you’re not understanding anything, I’ll try to make it short:
[I was seeing this awesome girl that appeared in my slow, out of a job, boring life. She said she didn’t want any kind of relationship for many reasons. I said it “ok, I can try it”. It didn’t work out very well. After I had my heart kinda broken, we settle some of what was going on.]

Basically, after all, I let my heart guide me after we settle some of the issues. Although, we still weren’t in a relationship.

We saw each other a couple of times, but she always had some excuse or something in the way for us to meet more often. I felt it was very weird, but I tried to be comprehensive and tried to not push her, but let things flow naturally. During these events, she moved to a friends house. I even tried to give her support when she felt lost and hopeless.

Time passes, almost nothing changes.

This morning I texted her, asking if everything was fine.

She said something like “Yes, kinda… I feel guilty”
And the conversation moved a little like this:

Me: What? Did something happen?
She: Yes, but I don’t know if I should talk to you about it… I don’t know how you would react. I don’t even know what’s going on between us. Are we just friends? Or something else?
Me: Hey, You can talk to me. You should be honest with yourself. What happened?

After some replies and other ways to encourage her to open her self.

She: I slept with my friend.
Me: The guy that you’re living with?
She: Yes.
Me: Do you like him?
She: Why are you asking me this?

After this, I told her I liked her, that I needed to know, that depending on what was going on I could make a decision. Among other things.

She: I don’t know. Everything is so messy around me now.
Me: But, do you feel guilty because you like me?
She: I don’t know.

This was a turning point for me.
After all those months, conversations and moments that we spent, and she still didn’t how to feel about me…:tired_face: Was just enough for me to give up on what I was hoping for us.

I basically made a monologue telling that I liked her, but these feeling that I had for her, and her kinda of “apathy”, would make everything so much complicated. The fact that she slept with the guy she is living with didn’t help at all… That maybe if I didn’t feel anything for her, we could continue to be friends. But that wasn’t the case.
I told her that I wish the best of thing for her, without any irony or hatred. And she should process these feelings and thoughts about her friend.
I was kinda an asshole, because I didn’t give her the chance to say much after.
She even asked me if I was sure if wanted to break up, even twice.
I told her “yes, I am sure”.

Somehow she gave me the impression that I was a villain…
Who knows??? I don’t wanna know. I even deleted her telephone number and the messages we exchanged. I’m so out of my mind, that I just can’t talk to anyone about it.

Part of me wishes that I could have been more assertive about my feelings for her. Even tell her that I loved her, waaaaaaay back.

I’m glad that she was honest with me, but the damage was done, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

My heart is broken and I feel betrayed and unloved.

I know time will heal this. That I will find true love, no matter where I could be.

But, it kinda bothers me that it didn’t hurt so much, that I’m not crying, and still I wish I could feel nothing right now.

Thank you so much if read through the end.
Even more, if you read the very first post.

I wish I could have the strength today to read and help some of you guys, but I can’t. Not today, I’m so sorry for being so self-centered.
But still, I hope some of you can make my day a little better.

See you later.
And thanks once more.