Heart is heavy..flashbacks

It’s been some time since I posted on here. I suppose that’s good progress…I’ve been going to therapy and trying to engage in healthy activities. Thank you to everyone who has been supportive.

I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I started going to a domestic violence group before the holiday but didn’t have the courage to share my story so I just kind of sat among the women in the room.
The story of my ex is confusing. He hurt me so much emotionally but we also had so many good times. It makes it confusing to determine what was real and what wasn’t. They say he was a narcissist…a term that seemed very fitting to him over time…especially when it came to lacking empathy. I remember asking him to put himself in my shoes one time and he replied “I don’t put myself in peoples shoes”. He doesn’t really try to understand how others feel. He was also diagnosed as severe bipolar and even ended up in the hospital. I took the end of a lot of his anger. He especially loves name calling.
I could write out the whole relationship but doing so would be draining (it’s been written out in other entries if you’re really interested) The main thing is I’m sad…I keep getting flashbacks of all the good times…when he didn’t hurt me. He’s lied and cheated a lot so I don’t know if these moments were even real but I do know that I miss them heavily. Do narcissists love people? Was there a chance he ever cared? Was it always about control?

Hi @Rosethorn. No need to answer this, but I’m wondering who “they” are. The ones who are saying your ex is a narcissist. The reason I wonder is because narcissist is a term that tends to get thrown around. While he undoubtedly sounds like a narc, that doesn’t mean he is one. You said he has bipolar, and the way he acts could be the way his bipolar shows itself, or maybe he has another mental illness that makes him act that way. Or maybe he really is a narc. Only a qualified professional can make that diagnoses. This is just something that I tend to say because of how often I’ve seen and heard the word narcissist used to describe someone. Please don’t take it personally, or as if I’m defending him, because I’m not. There is no defending the behavior you are describing. It’s just something I’ve learned to question.

Now, that being said…

As to your question, do narcissists love people? To be honest, I don’t know. I would think that with years and years and years of heavy therapy, maybe some of them can but even then I’m not too sure. Unless they get the diagnosis and get the therapy needed, they are very toxic people to everyone they get close to.

Narcs are very difficult people to live with, to be with, to understand. For them it is about being in control. There are several ways that narcissism has been found to develop, and for a lot of them, it has to do a lot with their childhood. If they had severely controlling parents or guardians, or were bullied by their parents (a couple examples among many situations) the child may develop narcissism because they spent so long being controlled or rejected or whatever that they want to be in control of all aspects of their life. It’s a terrible situation for anyone who’s close to them. And unfortunately for anyone in their path, most narcissists won’t be diagnosed and treated because they don’t see that anything is wrong with how they are acting.

I’m so sorry that your ex was so terrible to you. I’m not surprised that you’ve been left confused. I’m sorry that you’re sad and that you’re hurt. I’m sorry that you were left to question everything that you did with him. You didn’t deserve any of that. I am glad to read that you are going to therapy and working on healing. I hope only good things come to you in the future.

I’m sorry I didn’t have a better answer for you.

~Daisy :hearts:

Hey @Rosethorn,
My advice personally in this situation is to leave him alone and pray on this entire situation. Just sit back and realize there is a man who can treat you much better than this and especially with the name callings ! I know this situation is hurting you and you miss the person who you grew so close with over that period of time. But as time goes on we can tend to romanticize things such as pass relationships and forget all the hurt he or she put us through and get stuck on the few good times we did have. We can even enlarge the few good times we did have and make them bigger than what they actually were. Overall, If he is a Narcissists he has some mental behaviors he has to get under control and managed or he will continue to be the way he has always been. Also, my number one advice is that the man should always chase the woman for the relationship to truly work. This means that he should be persusing you deeply. If he is he will come back to you ! I say now find God, love yourself and keep your options open. I hope this helps I am just trying to help!!!

After a bad break up I started and continue to find peace in God, He is real and someone to always talk too and he loves us deeply

  • John 3:16 “ For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life"
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