My brother passed away just a couple months ago I haven’t really showed emotions about it as much cause I guess I can say I have no one to talk to about it anymore cause my person was him. He was there for me step by step not to mention he was supposed to graduate this year but what makes it harder for me to let this all go is his locker. Also trust me being in grief never goes away my sister died my great grandma my great grandpa I’m just stuck on a never ending loop of it.
Thank you for your post and can I start by saying how dreadfully sorry I am for all of your loss. I cannot imagine how deeply shocking and distressing the loss of so many people that you love has been. It sounds like you don’t get past one level of grief before it starts all over again.
If I am being honest I’m not that surprised that at this point you are not showing much emotion, not only as you say, your brother was your go to person but you have had so much to deal with that you are probably in shock still and mentally exhausted .
I really do suggest you talk to someone about all of this, a grief councellor or just go and have a chat to your Doctor and see what they suggest.
I am glad you have come here as it means you are looking for something in the way of support and thats the first step. There is a communtiy of people here that can support you for however long as you like its great here but please have a chat with your GP too if you can.
I truly hope that you can get the help and support to be able to move forward with your life out of this loop that you feel trapped in.
I’m so sorry for your losses. You’re probably very tired of hearing this, but please know that it comes from a place of genuine care right here.
I agree with you: grief never goes away. We only learn to live with it. There is a before and an after a loss. The person who passed away leaves us with this immense hole in our chest. Everything that remind them to us, all the memories whether they were good or bad, all the words said, all the smiles and hugs… they all become so bittersweet suddenly. We realize how precious they were and still are, but also how deep it hits whenever we acknowledge, over and over, that it won’t happen with them anymore.
In a couple of years I’ve lost several family members. Then my brother. When we grow up, we don’t expect to lose our siblings. We are supposed to keep growing with them, even as adults. It feels unnatural, against logic and comprehension. So many times I’ve wanted to scream my sorrow and how much it hurts to feel this emptiness he left. It’s a primal pain. Sometimes that makes me feel like I’d be able to rip my guts open just to find some air. Just to breathe.
My heart goes out to you, friend. I’m not in your shoes and your story is yours. But grief has been part of my life in so many ways that I often feel doomed the people I see on pictures but are not here anymore, and all the people I’ve lost along the way yet are still alive. It is a strange and heavy to process to acknowledge and grieve all the things that could have been, yet to remain grateful for all that we’ve had the chance to experience, and the countless opportunities that will keep arising in our life if we allow them to.
Friend, we see you. We hear you. You’re not alone. Whenever you’d feel ready to show emotions, talk, vent, express anything, then you have a safe haven right here to do so. It is during those awful times that we need each other. When life becomes nonsense and when we need time to find our way again.
The people you love are still there with you, somehow. They are part of you. Of your memories, your heart, your voice. They keep existing through you. That is the most heavy yet beautiful legacy that you hold. And, if you’d like to share about them, their life, who they were, then we’d be more happy to listen.
I feel your pain. I wish I could take it away and make it all more peaceful to you. Though I can tell that it is possible to learn to cmopose with grief in a way that wouldn’t be debilitating. Day by day, we learn to give a new place to the people we love but are not here anymore. We don’t forget. We don’t ignore the pain either. But we integrate and process the loss as part of the story we share with them.
I don’t know your beliefs, but even beyond that, you have the right to allow yourself to just talk to your brother, or even to write him letters. You have the right to really address the words you want and express them. He may not be here physically, but he’s still in your heart and part of the story that you own. Know that there is no right or wrong way to procerss those feelings. What matters is only what makes sense to you, as this is highly personal and tied to the unique relationships you had with all of them. Nothing will ever take that away from you. Nothing will ever erase the love between you and them. Not even death.
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