I spent almost 3 years visualizing this distinct dream I had and bringing it to life. I brought it to complete life in November of 2018. I moved to my dream city all alone, got the apartment of my dreams that I was eyeing for years, got my savings up, ready to invest in a new future and career opportunities. I was happy and felt accomplished for going after my dreams.
But something felt odd after the first week I moved in, I felt myself slowly fall into depression. I went from living with my family in a city I know prepping to move to living all alone in a new and slightly unfamiliar city, I was on the complete opposite end of the country. It was around the holidays when I moved in so I bought a flight back home for the holidays so I wouldn’t feel this loneliness I was feeling.
I came back to at the very top of year to this new city and I was still feeling anxious and depressed. I was just kind of starting to feel like myself again when I was back home only to return back to loneliness in the new city. I had my on/off again ex, but going to him for my pain destroyed me.
I had extreme anxiety that I could no longer leave my house for work or anything. My savings waa so slowly running out and so I found myself facing eviction and now I have that on my record. I returned back home with huge amounts of debt (I’ve never been in debt), a huge ding on my record due to eviction, losing a lot of my belongings, my dream I held onto for so long, myself and my sanity. All in a 6 month span. How do I get to the root of my problem and find myself again. I’m scared to start completely over again with NOTHING.
Thank you for sharing. You needed it to get it out. I’m sorry you are going through this storm. It’s terrible when depression hits you. I have been battling depression all of my life, and there are times it kicks my ass. I can relate of dreams not coming true. I wanted to be an animator. I got my AA degree, and I was proud of myself. The sad thing is I haven’t pursue a career for it. I can’t think of anything to create. A lot of personal things got the best of me. I haven’t continue of going to school. I ask myself if I am going to create? Am I losing my passion? I still don’t know. However, what I do know is that I am in season. It will end. Your season will end too. I don’t know how long it is going to take, but be patient. You will get through this. I encourage you to talk to your loved ones about your situation. You guys will figure it out. I believe in you. If you want to vent more, this forum is open. HeartSupport is here with you and for you.
Hey, thanks for sharing.
I haven’t been in your situation, but I definitely connect with the feeling of losing everything and having to start from scratch. Sometimes we need to take a step back or two in order to cross the finish line; in some cases we need to start the race over. But it doesn’t matter what place you come in, it just matters that you finish. Depending on an ex for emotional support sucks, and I’m sorry that destroyed you as much as it did. Just know that you are so loved here by all of us, and no ding on your record can put a dent in who you are: a strong, caring, intelligent and ambitious soul.
Hang in there friend,
Failure sucks, and I have been in a similar situation before where all that I aimed to be and achieved was not realized, and it absolutely crushed me. It sent me down a long spiral of binge drinking and unhealthy relationships that took a long time to get out of. I deeply hope you will not follow a similar pattern.
You are not defined by your failure. Remember that. God’s power is greater than any failure or sin imaginable. I know how worthless and empty you might be feeling now. You may also be in the process of becoming a cynic or nihilist, but don’t listen to those thoughts. In every second of every day there is the opportunity for us to get up and throw ourselves once again towards a goal that is greater than ourselves, and in my mind, you can never really fail unless you give up.
When you’ve got nothing you’ve got nothing to lose. Your situation isn’t pretty by any means but you are free to try anything new now without past obligations tying you down (within reason). Now is the time to examine who you are and rebuild your sense of identity not on a fragile dream or wordly thing, but on something greater than yourself. Should you identify where you went wrong in the last 6 months, you will be a stronger and wiser person for it and be even more likely to succeed next time.
Take the time you need to think, rest and recover. Do what you need to in order to survive but please remember to never give up: there are people who believe in you.
@Heartbrokengirl thank you for sharing. I know the feeling of being in a new place and it feel likes nothing have progressed. I just moved to a new city in 2016 and barely now I feel like there is some forward motion but something just came up and I feel like I am back to square one.
So where do I go from here?
First step… find the good. Focus on the small things that can change in slow steps. Figure out where you spending and figure out what can be fixed. Do not let this failure be who you are, If you have a dream and you fell getting to it get back up and work towards it again. This time you will have the knowledge and experience to get past the things that made you fall.