Heartbroken, Grieving & Need Help

I had a best friend for a few years who I cared deeply about. She got into a toxic narcissistic relationship with someone and we lost touch. After that ended, I gradually started hearing from her again and really hoped that maybe our friendship could come back but it’s never been the same. I ended up moving into her house and moved out a few months later because the landlord was selling the house in Dec of 2022. Subsequently, I’ve dealt with a plethora of health issues and significant life events non-stop for about 8 months including unexpected surgery in February. She didn’t reach out or pay me my deposit back. I asked and finally she told me she ran into hard times and spent my deposit but didn’t have it. I told her about my health issues and asked over and over again about a payment plan to which she just stated she would pay me when she had it.

Fast forward it’s now September… I moved out in December… legally I should have received my deposit back 21 days after moving out. I am on food stamps. I had a period of time where I couldn’t work because of my health issues and it is still like pulling teeth to get a response from her let alone money. I have only gotten a portion of my deposit back and when I expressed to her how much the lack of communication was hurting me, she has not acknowledged it, just acted like I’m an inconvenience. I feel so cast aside and taken advantage of. I didn’t do anything wrong and the stress from this situation has absolutely exacerbated my health issues. This person used to be my best friend. All I’ve wanted to do today was cry. I couldn’t focus on work. I am so heartbroken. The past year has been so challenging and I just don’t have any bandwidth. I wish I had help for this situation and I wish this situation didn’t make me feel like such shit. I feel I’ve been more than patient but having my very valid feelings ignored and then treated like trash from someone who was one my best friend hurts so very much.

I’ve shown friends our text thread and they’ve reassured me that I haven’t been overbearing or out of line to feel this way. I know I’m grieving and at this point, I just don’t know what my options are. I live in California and I’ve heard small claims can be a nightmare. I am also broke. Any advice would be welcome. Our friendship is definitely over which sucks. I’m just hoping I can get my money back and move on.

1 Like

Hello @BlackHeartBomb :wave:t2:

Would firstly just like to welcome you to HeartSupport! I hope you enjoy your time within such a supportive, kind and friendly community!

To kick things off, I’m going to begin by perhaps stating the obvious, in that friendships do take an emotional toll if we are giving our all, but the other person isn’t sticking to their side of the bargain. You’ve been more than patient and really understanding in this situation, and your feelings are 100% valid.

Your grief needs to be acknowledged. Loosing a friend and dealing with money issues is tough. The fact you’ve reached out to friends for support and they’ve validated you and helped you through us inspiring and very positive. I hope this positive attitude continues with them.

Regarding the deposit, I cannot give advice on this because I am unsure of what the law in Calafornia is on this. However if your friend is refusing to pay her, share then you should absolutely explore other options available to you. Although the legal system is tough and complex it can help you recover the money you rightly need

You need to ensure you look after yourself going forward. If the situation is weighing you down, you should reach out to a mental health professional who can help you navigate the twists and turns of challenging emotions.

I hope that you will be able to find the closure you need to move on from this painful chapter. If you need any more help, please just send a reply :purple_heart: