Back to heartsupport

HeartSupport Fan #86

Every single time I have a heart to heart with my friend about mental health she gets all religious and tells me to get off my meds.

3 Likes

Hey friend,

Thank you so much for reaching out here.

First off: well done for having those conversations. Being vulnerable and talking about how we feel is definitely not the easiest exercise. It takes a lot of strength to put ourselves out there and share our heart in an honest way, whether we are comfortable or not while doing so.

I’m so sorry though that what you’ve shared was received in a way you certainly didn’t want. Obviously, your friend has her own beliefs and perspective, which make sense to her personally, but the conversation was about you, not her. It is a difficult exercise to learn to listen to someone while putting our own beliefs aside and overall what is meaningful to us. Somehow, we feel like we know what is good for someone, but it’s often perceived through the lens of our own experiences. There’s a bias between what you said and her response, which is really unfortunate. Taking medications is a choice you’ve made, and whether she accepts it or not it is the present and circumstances you are dealing with today.

There might be something positive in this: it could be really mostly a matter of miscommunication. Somehow, she seems to have good intentions. If you feel like trying to clarify your expectations regarding these kind of conversations, and why her responses don’t necessarily make sense to you, then maybe she would agree on learning to see things from your point of view? Again, it’s not something acquired. But with your help and willingness to try on both ends, the connection could be better in the future between you two regarding your struggles and needs.

All in all, please know that what you feel is important. You are important. I hope you won’t let these situations prevent you from reaching out at all. Most of the time, reaching out is about finding the “right” people and environments. The ones that will make us feel heard and understood. Sometimes the people closest to us are not equipped for that even if we’d like so. That doesn’t mean there is no love or genuine care. Only that these conversations happen in a different context and register, one that not everyone necessarily connects with, or the same way.

I hope you will keep building and improving your own support system while walking on your own healing path. You don’t have to be alone. You are not alone. This community as well is always here for you.

Hold fast. :hrtlegolove:

2 Likes

Hi, Good to meet you, I’m sorry about that, I’m sorry for both you and your friend because its an awkward situation and its never nice when awkward situations occur between friends.
I am sure she means well and she loves you and feels that the advice is good advice and that nice but of course if its making you uncomfortable or unhappy or the advice is unwanted then its not so nice is it? So I guess the next question is, how open do you think your friend is to taking advice herself? is it possible to ask her nicely to maybe not keep bringing up religion if its not your thing?
I have a friend who is deeply religious and I am most definitely not and we have a very nice agreement on how much we discuss it. Its give and take with friends.

As for your giving up your medication, that is entirely down to you and your doctor and nothing to do with anyone else. I handle situations like that with a “I will take that under consideration and make a sensible decision thank you very much for your advice” and then try to leave things at that but I don’t know how persistent your friend is? She does sound rather over powering which isn’t much fun.
Of course there is another option of not having heart to hearts with that particular friend any more?? maybe keep things lighter with that friend? these are all just suggestions that may help. If you like a good heart to heart you can always find someone here to talk to.
I hope you get things sorted and you and your friend can have a lighter and more fun friendship.
Much love
Lisa :heart:

2 Likes