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The past three years of my life have been… hard, to put it lightly. At a certain point I just locked up and refused to feel further because giving myself permission to actually feel the full weight seemed way too overwhelming. So I closed myself off and resigned to being numb. It may have been helpful for a time just to survive, but after years it becomes more than just a routine to get through the day. The numbness becomes part of who you are. It stunts relationships and cheapens every interaction to the surface level.
I had never really been someone who honors their own feelings, and this period of my life dug those roots even deeper. I never could take a deep breath in moments of silence because it was never silent. I could hear myself trapped inside screaming.
It felt like there was nothing that could break the shell I had created for myself. And the reality is: there is no quick fix. It’s been long nights telling friends what I am actually going through. It’s been opening up through lyrics and connecting with people. It’s been years now of therapy. It’s been surrounding myself with family whenever I can. I’ve had to be intentionally willing to share regardless of the lingering deep seated dread that I feel while doing so. In honoring my feelings by sharing them, I’ve come to see them as valid. It has been a long process but I have begun to feel again. A lot of it has been pain, BUT some of it has been hope.
I have had moments lately that when I take a full breath, it doesn’t feel like walls of needles are keeping my lungs from expanding. Moments of freedom. It’s an uphill battle, but now I know there is light at the summit.
I want you to find your light too, and part of that is opening up about what you’re going through. I invite you to share your struggles in the comments, any negative thoughts, feelings or emotions, share them below and tag @heartsupport because when you comment, you’ll receive supportive replies from others who are in this with you. We are stronger together.