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The past three years of my life have been… hard, to put it lightly. At a certain point I just locked up and refused to feel further because giving myself permission to actually feel the full weight seemed way too overwhelming. So I closed myself off and resigned to being numb. It may have been helpful for a time just to survive, but after years it becomes more than just a routine to get through the day. The numbness becomes part of who you are. It stunts relationships and cheapens every interaction to the surface level.
I had never really been someone who honors their own feelings, and this period of my life dug those roots even deeper. I never could take a deep breath in moments of silence because it was never silent. I could hear myself trapped inside screaming.
It felt like there was nothing that could break the shell I had created for myself. And the reality is: there is no quick fix. It’s been long nights telling friends what I am actually going through. It’s been opening up through lyrics and connecting with people. It’s been years now of therapy. It’s been surrounding myself with family whenever I can. I’ve had to be intentionally willing to share regardless of the lingering deep seated dread that I feel while doing so. In honoring my feelings by sharing them, I’ve come to see them as valid. It has been a long process but I have begun to feel again. A lot of it has been pain, BUT some of it has been hope.
I have had moments lately that when I take a full breath, it doesn’t feel like walls of needles are keeping my lungs from expanding. Moments of freedom. It’s an uphill battle, but now I know there is light at the summit.
I want you to find your light too, and part of that is opening up about what you’re going through. I invite you to share your struggles in the comments, any negative thoughts, feelings or emotions, share them below and tag @heartsupport because when you comment, you’ll receive supportive replies from others who are in this with you. We are stronger together.
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Post like these are what give others hope Sean. Beautifully spoken and so happy to see you conquering yourself one day at a time. Redefining yourself is never easy but you have come a long way friend!
SO much love for you, brother.
ILY bro. God bless:heart:=
Thanks for sharing bro. Enjoyed hearing your story. Not gonna lie it’s been one of the toughest weeks of my life. So I’m 21 now and was just diagnosed with autism. So trying to process that has been interesting.
Thank you for this.======
Love you my guy==========
We got you, Sean. We aren’t gonna let any one of us fall. Not today, not tomorrow, not never.
I relate so heavily to your story and especially to the part where you say “I closed myself off and resigned to being numb”. When I was 15 I got a permanent ileostomy bag due to my crohnic illness (Crohn’s disease). It’s been rough these passed couple years learning to manage and deal with the bag. I’ve had it for 6 years now and have suffered from crohns itself for 14 years. I was just a kid so I used to hide my emotions and feelings a lot to cope with physically/ emotional pain and the stuck with me well into adulthood. I think the best thing to remember is we are all here to support each other and to reach out a helping hand. I am here for you, and your story brought me to tears. Stay strong
Thank you sharing for Sean. I feel you, there’s moments that I feel the need to shut myself down never thought my feelings to mean something to me or something to deal with but with more time with my family it makes me feel better. Thank you for sharing
Love you my bro. With you in the journey. My journey is pretty painful and deep. I’m here for you. Psalm 23 is what I’ve been meditating on… along with psalm 121…
@seanisalion I just want to say, your experiences and thoughts that you have put into lyrics have been so impactful in my life. I remember 4 years ago today actually, I spent my first night (out of 10) in jail, and as I was laying there in my bunk in silent tears, the lyrics “I won’t flinch when the earth gives way, so I cry out the last word is yours to speak” flooded through my mind on repeat. Reminding me that not all hope was lost and that God was, is, and will always be in control. And to not worry about what’s ahead but just trust that God has me in his hands. “Prison cells won’t contain your light”
You have encouraged me immensely, and thank you for that. And now we will be praying for you! Love you brother, and God bless!