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As far back as I can remember, I have always struggled with this idea of acceptance.
I played sports but never fit in with the other athletes. I loved music and art but was never accepted into their world. I didn’t have cool clothes, I didn’t know the right things to say to show others that I could fit in with them. My earliest memories of school were being made fun of because of how I looked, my interests, and how I dressed. I would try to laugh with everyone or just take the ridicule but it would eventually hit a boiling point and I would break.
As I got older I realized that if I was better at making fun of myself than everyone else, then it would stop. But that was just a temporary fix for something that was a struggle deep inside. It was during my transition from high school to college that I realized this desire I had to be loved and accepted unconditionally. I found this love and acceptance through God.
Even though I came to a place that gave me peace and stability, it by no means “solved the problem” of things I would go on to face. Being in the music industry introduced a whole new mess of struggles regarding this idea of acceptance. When we got signed and started touring full-time, I saw this same struggle of acceptance show up again. I wanted to be authentic, real, and honest about what I am passionate about, but found an incredible irony that the place I felt should be open for expression offered for me more judgment and exclusivity. It took me a while as a musician to become comfortable in my own skin.
I want to be clear, I am not fixed. No one is. There will always be semblances of pain and darkness that whisper in the background, but I have hope. I am healing and you can too. If you’re struggling you can take a step toward healing with me, and share what you’re going through by tagging @heartsupport in the comments. Their community will provide you with love and encouragement.
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