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Belongs to: https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/34079
My respect for you is beyond words. I tend to just (emotionally) numb out A LOT. Working on it……some days it’s hard to see the light through the dark, but we all have to Stand Up and go on. 
to you!
Totally get numbing out - sometimes it just feels like too much. Sometimes when you evaluate what it would take to make things better or make the changes you need to make or do the things you know you need to do, it just feels like more than you can handle. And that might not always be a “doom and gloom” perspective, but just an avoidance thing…like - I just don’t have the energy or care or time to handle that right now…but the problem is that that can compound on itself. That avoiding tough things only makes them harder the next time we get there if we’re just numbing and not restoring ourselves. It can be a hard loop to get out of - see hard thing, avoid, come back to hard thing and now it is harder because more time has passed + shame of not having engaged with it earlier + internal “stuckness” → more avoidance → more difficulty engaging → etc.
It’s cool that this is something you’re aware of and are actively making improvements. It’s hard to do that. Especially because the things you’re avoiding are for good reason - it takes a lot of courage to face those things, to be willing to change. Proud of you for your courage and strength here.
Yea, numbing out emotionally can really feel like we’re our worst enemy at times. It’s so hard to feel disconnected from the world around you, and from yourself at the same time. It leaves you with this sensation of being an empty shell - and oftentimes not understanding or identifying a reason why it is happening. Numbness has been personally a huge part of my personal experience of burn out and depression. It was hard at first to not freak out or feel like I was not even controlling my inner world, but over time I’ve also tried to welcome more and more numbness as a sign of overwhelm that my body gives me. A way to say: hey, you may need to get some good doses of self-care right now. 
Ultimately, our mind tries to protect us when emotions become too much to process at once. As you said some days it’s hard to see the light through the dark. With patience and respect of our own emotional processing, by also working on what’s present behind this need for numbness/shutdown, we take active steps towards not needing to reach the point of saturating, and anticipate/respond more and more to our personal needs. The healing pathway that you’re paving for yourself right now, is beautiful and so very important. It’s a gentle act of love and care towards yourself. I fully believe in you - you got this, friend.