From charlenes_selflovejourney: I struggle a lot with self love and self worth. I rely too much on other people in order to make myself feel worth something. I rely on people to tell me I’m a good mom in order to feel like one. I rely on people to tell me they love me in order for me to feel loved and to love myself. I rely on other people to tell me that they are proud of me in order for me to feel proud of myself. A lot of the times I feel like I am not good enough or worthy enough. I have found myself heavily comparing myself to other peoples lives. To their marriage, to their relationship with their kids, to their fitness journey. Whatever it is in every aspect of life I feel like everyone around me is so much better than I am and that sometimes I am almost like a waste of space. I go through spurts where I am doing really good and I really love myself and I really love life and then when something happens and I fall back into being depressed or upset or comparing myself again I start to wonder why I keep putting everyone else through the crap of me being me all over again.
It can be so difficult and so challenging to learn to see and embrace our own worth, through any area of our life. The comparison game is a trap that our mind easily fall into, especially during times of vulnerability. One thing doesn’t work according to our plans and expectations, and the next minute we find ourselves dealing this huge pile of doubts about who we are, our purpose, our worth, the value of what we do and say, if not the value of our existence. It really only makes you human and absolutely not defective to deal with these doubts and fears, even if it feels endless at times. We live in a world where performance and perfection, inside and out, are forced onto us as social standards. We are expected to be SO MUCH, sometimes even beyond reason, to the point of feeling like a failure whenever we follow a different path or don’t reach the goals we had in mind. It can be so hard to detach ourselves from these unfair standards. But your message today is SO powerful as it shows how much perspective you already have over these patterns of thoughts. It may be still difficult to rationalize and get some perspective when doubts and fears get too much – still here you are, observing yourself, expressing vulnerable parts of your life that I for sure relate to, a lot. You are not fully out of control – you also understand yourself at a deep level and have an ability of self-awareness that not all people have. THIS is a very strength that you have, and I can assure you that your vulnerability here displays as a strength, an incredible testimony of your own resilience. This is a step towards more healing and confidence in all of these areas of your life that truly matter to you. You are not a burden for being profoundly human – never was, never will be. You being yourself is an absolute gift, because it is in this raw honesty that you are meant to know yourself better, and grow as the person you want to be, leaving behind all the parts that are not serving you. It takes time to unlearn habits like these, but it IS possible, especially when we allow ourselves to be supported through this crazy journey that is life. If you need a space to be yourself unashamedly and explore all these strengths that ARE already present within you, our lil’ community at Heartsupport will always be happy to welcome you and share life together. On another hand, just leaving a little trick that has helped me personally whenever I feel like comparing myself/feel bad about my situation for any reason: asking ourselves 1)“what are the unmet expectations behind the disappointment/shame/guilt/sadness?”, 2)“where do these expectations/standard come from? Is it a fair one or not?”, 3)“do I actually want to give time and energy to this expectation/standard?”. Little by little, you learn to OWN your life by de-cluttering all of these expectations that don’t serve you and don’t have to be a part of your life anymore. There’s a lot that we keep carrying from family, friends, society in general – any other influence that we’ve had in our life. Not all of them have to be listened to, not all of them are fair or realistic, not all of them deserve YOUR attention. You are worthy regardless of how much you accomplish. That sense of accomplishment though, will keep growing as you learn to be true to yourself, and liberate your mind/heart from all the things that are not serving you in any way. You are loved and you belong, without any requirement to be a certain way. I believe in you. <3
reading your post has really touched me. I can absolutely say with certainty you are not a waste of space, time, energy or love. You are a being worthy of all the joys of life. We all travel this journey of self worth and sometimes it’s easier to see the worth in others than in ourselves, but you are a being who is worth everything. You’re not alone in relying on others to feel proud of you or to give some form of validation, it’s what we all crave. It’s natural because we crave and desire love and acceptance, and we deserve that. You deserve that. But you are also so worthy of being loved and accepted. You being you is the only way to be, I can guarantee that anybody would not wish for you to change, and if you did they’d want the unique you back. The unique you who is the only one who can bring your thoughts and experiences and all the wonderful isms that make you who you are.
Hey Friend, Thank you for your post, I would love to start by saying welcome to the Heartsupport wall and I think many of us can relate to your post, we often compare ourselves not just to others strangley even to ourselves, where are we meant to be in life by now, why are we not there etc, really its nothing more than self desctruction uless of course you are perfect and “who is” In life we are exactly where we are meant to be, we may not have what our friends have, we may have more than our neighbours or some of them at least but we are all so very different and we are all on very different journeys and we get to our destinations at differnt times. Have you heard about the Rabbit and the tortoise? I get its frustrating but as long as you get where you want and you are happy and I hope that you get there happy its gonna be ok. We are here to support you all the way. much love Lisalovesfeathers. x
I think there are many people who can relate to how you are feeling. I believe the problem with comparing ourselves to others, is that we usually choose people for our comparison, who we think are better at something than us. This makes us “look bad” in our own eyes. But the truth is that everybody is different and unique, we don’t know what kind of experiences or problems other people have. Usually these things are hidden beneath the surface and not visible to outsiders on the first look. What I would focus on instead would be to fully embrace the times you feel good and alive and happy. Try to remember what exactly the circumstances were, what happened before, where were you at the time, who was with you etc. And then I suggest to seek out those situations more often, if possible. Find out what lifts you up, what makes you happy, and seek that out. Don’t try to focus on what you think you are not good at (because it’s probably not true that you are bad at this).
Hello charlenes, thank you a lot for posting. Be proud of yourself by sharing your struggles, we are. A lot of people can relate so struggle with self worth and self love, myself included. I have always see others better than myself, never seeing the good in me. Try to hold on what your friends and family are giving you, how they be with you. Dont look upon others, what they are doing or how they do it. You are worth it, you deserve this love and joy in your life. Be yourself and you will do good. Have a very nice day my friend, feel hugged and greetings
