From lex_appeal22: I struggle with “imposter syndrome” - thinking I’m never qualified for my job or never as smart as those around me. I struggle with never wanting to make mistakes - I don’t want to disappoint anyone or feel dumb/inadequate on any level. I struggle with body image - aging titties, cellulite on my butt, muffin tops over cute cutoffs, tiny calves, thin hair, man hands, body hair, etc. I struggle with connecting to others on a deep level - I have VERY few close friends and they’re all very far away. I struggle with my loved ones’ struggles - watching external substances control their lives. I struggle with waking up every day and wanting to change all of these things, but having them linger in the back corner of the room regardless. I think I’m getting better every day, but it’s still a climb.
He @lex_appeal22 I’m sorry that you’re struggling with so much. One thing about imposter syndrome is that if you look at things in a logical way, you probably wouldn’t have landed your job if you were not qualified or smart enough. So, imposter syndrome is a big fat lie. I’m really happy that you’re getting better. What is helping you with that? Are you in therapy? Take care!
First of all thank you for being so vulnerable. It’s difficult to say all those things that go on in our heads, the things that we worry about the most, or are the most self conscious about. Self doubt is ugly, and it can control us and have us believing that we aren’t good enough. When I’m fact we are good enough, YOU are good enough. Imposter syndrome is such a wicked thing. It sounds like you want to connect, you realize your distant, but struggling with how to. I’ve done the same thing before, I can feel everyone around me going under, especially with substance use, and then im just watching it happen. I am so sorry your going through that. It all just sucks. I’ve lately had this new mantra, since I’m a “fixer”. It is “I can only control myself, my own actions”. It’s such a basic thought but also I’m finding freedom in it, I can’t change anyone, but I can offer support. But ofcourse put yourself first. And your right it is a climb. Keep climbing, you seem to be very aware of what’s going on in your own life and emotions. That’s admirable that your honest with yourself and keep checking into your own emotions! Keep climbing
Hey there Lex – You ARE climbing, that’s a fact. You’re dealing with so much at the same time, things you can learn to handle and things that are completely out of your control. Looking back at this can make one feel very overwhelmed, so thank you so much for taking this brave step of sharing your vulnerability, sharing what you currently struggle with. It’s a strong thing to do, and hopefully it could bring you some clarity over time. One step at a time. Impostor syndrome especially, the search of perfection and struggles with body image are things I deeply relate to (and I believe, also tend to go in hand together). It’s this search for an ideal that doesn’t exist… motivated by a difficult to see our worth in the first place. I know hearing that you are worthy and enough will not solve everything, but if you never heard this please know that you ARE enough just as you are, right here and right now. Learning to set more realistic standards to ourselves, to approach performance without attaching it to who we are, learning to appreciate what our body does for us and to live in harmony with it… all of this takes time. You ARE getting there. You ARE aware of what needs to be worked on and that is a major step. I hope that through this journey of yours, you give yourself as much grace and patience as possible. Something I had to realize and to remind myself regularly is that growth and healing are never based on performance nor perfection. It’s actually quite messy, but there are directions that we set within and anchor us during difficult times. We are not meant to become the total opposite of who we are tomorrow, to overcome all of our struggles in a day. But we can surely try, bits by bits, to aim towards a different version of ourselves, one that is fueled with self-love. If you ever need an anchor during your own healing, ears to listen, shoulders to rest on, the Heartsupport community will always be there for you. We have some action groups that could be worth having a look at (info on website) if you would like to set some personal goals and work on it with the help of other community members. Through ALL of this, you are not alone. There are people who understand, who are certainly at different parts of their own journey too, but who are definitely wiling to stand alongside you. I believe in you. Hold Fast. <3
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So hard to feel like every mistake is evidence to the world of the TRUTH about you - that you are /actually/ a failure. That you’re not the “success” that everyone sees - that is just the fake you. The real you is hiding underneath the surface, just one failure away from being discovered. Adding that pressure to so many things you can’t control - body changes, loved one struggles, etc. PLUS the failures you’d credit to yourself / things you CAN change…everything feels so heavy and like they have such high consequences or risk that it’s hard to engage at all with life.
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