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@heartsupport feel like i got so much to say and so much work to do to get my mind right but dont even know where to begin.
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Yeah it’s really hard when you feel like there’s this huuuuge chasm between these ideas in your head and your ability to make them happen. It’s a depressing gap because it feels so hopeless. It feels like things will never actually happen. Like you’re going to die with these things you want to do inside you. And that hopelessness spirals the lack of motivation. Also fear of judgment…fear of failure…fear of getting yourself out there and it not being as good as you thought. Honestly for me, I hide a lot in my head because if I never get it out of my head, no one can tell me I’m a loser. It feels like I can always hide behind the “well I never tried” excuse. I tell myself, “If they only saw what I know I can do.” It’s a false comfort and keeps me stuck often.
I suppose what I mean to say is - you’re not alone. And you’re not crazy for feeling that way. And I appreciate you writing in.
-nate
It’s okay if you don’t know where to begin yet. Sometimes it feels like there is so many things going on, so much things we’ve been burying inside, that it gets to find a sense of clarity through it. It’s understandable to feel like the stakes are high when you share what’s on your heart though - it feels as if you need to have it all clarified and put together in a way that makes sense, so that you would be actually heard and understood. But sometimes what feels messy on our end is actually very clear on the side of the person we’re talking to. Just to give an example, I personally struglge with anxiety, which can really feel at times like my thoughts are all mixed up and any worry that I have gets piled up on top of the others. So internally it feels like this giant pile of knots to untangle, and I just have no freaking idea where to start. But talking about it, even if it’s not well constructed, and even if it feels messy, usually help me develop that sens of clarity. It’s a little like when we wait to feel a certain way before we get into the action we want to take. In many cases, its the action that actually helps us feel a certain way - kind of reversed process compared to our initial expectations.
I do hope that you can positively answer to this need to talk, just because you feel it and that it’s so important to have space where you can express everything you need. There are so many things that we carry on our own but can actually be shared safely. If you would like to give it a try, please know that here you won’t be judged for the way you express things. It can actually be a journey with you to clarify things and help you organize your thoughts as you express yourself. Sometimes just doing a list of bullet points of all the things that are in our mind/important lately can be a good starting point! All in all, you are never wrong for expressing yourself if it’s meant to help you and be a healtht outlet. Know that you’re not alone and we are in this with you - as much as you need and as much as you want.