Heartsupport hi idk this might be kinda a stuipid

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@heartsupport hi idk this might be kinda a stuipid question is it normal to have a few people you care about and you get sad when not around them my best friend is leaving and that hits me ive been crying almost every night about it what do i do because rn all i do is cry it out and sit and listen to music do know what i should do should i talk to her about it or just try to move on and bottle it up like i do most things im not really good a philosophical things i would love if you help me out by giving a little advice

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Hey friend,

Thank you so much for sharing all of this here. The questions you ask are definitely not stupid at all - this is about you, your story and the way you feel, which is so very important. It’s actually very wise and courageous to reach out and ask for some perspective when we feel lost in our own thoughts and feelings. So again, thank you for allowing yourself to reach out here!

I can of course only speak from a personal experience, but what you’ve described is definitely relatable to me. This primal fear of being abandoned by the people you love whenever there is some distance created between you and them. Those sensations of feeling completely devastated when something triggers this wound in you. Personally, I didn’t realize that I was experiencing this pattern before later in life. Somehow, seeing this reaction and how disproportionate my sadness/pain could be at times compared to the actual situation happening (I wasn’t abandoned, but feeling like it), it has encouraged me to be curious about my own story and understand why I seem to have this wound in my life. Therapy has been a great tool to explore this question, and to be honest once I started to be able to put pieces of the puzzle together, once I was able to understand why I would feel this way sometimes, it helped me see things with a different outlook and process these reactions differently. Growing up in a broken family, I’ve been feeling abandoned early in life by people that matter to me - parents, family, friends. So somehow there is this part of me that dreads this to happen again. Even just a slight difference in a friend’s behavior, a disagreement with someone I love, would push me directly into this train of thoughts and despair. Over time though, because I’ve learned to understand where it comes from, I’ve also learned to process these reactions differently. Little by little, I’ve been able now to identify when this is happening, to take care of myself (pausing everything, crying if I need, finding comfort and soothing myself), reassuring myself too. I have learned to see it more like waves that are temporary and not the reflection of the reality it’s trying to depict in my mind, which helps navigate those moments. It helped because it makes sense to me now to have these reactions, but I can also remind myself during those moments that I’m not re-living the past anymore. That the circumstances now are different and, in the example you’ve shared, a friend leaving or being away does not mean they would love you less. Overall, it helps reframe the things we tell ourselves when our emotions take over and make us feel like our world is shattering completely.

If anything, I would surely encourage you to try to be curious first as to what those emotions are telling you. It’s okay to have them! You are not wrong, you are not being dramatic and you are not broken because of the way you feel. Somehow, it shows you where there are some needs inside that need to be attended to, where there is pain that still needs to be healed somehow. I think, to me personally, it has helped tremendously to practice actively being a kind friend to myself during these moments. To try to be the caring person I try to find in others. To take care of this vulnerable part of me that needs a good dose of love.

On the practical side, if you feel like it would serve you and help to talk openly to your friend, then it’s okay to do so. There is truly no right or wrong way to proceed here - what matters in the end is that you can both find some closure if your friendship ended, could it be through discussing openly and respectfully or making sure to take care of yourself. :heart:

@@HeartSupport wow thanks for replying it means a lot i am seeing her for one of the last times tomorrow wish me luck thanks

Definitely wishing you luck! I hope all goes well for both of you. :heart:

i wrote her a letter…

Hey, this is great! Writing can help you take the time to really find the words you want to use, and express things as you need them to be. How do you feel about it?

@@HeartSupport good i guess i mean i still am not happy about it but i’d say it’s better now between us

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