Heartsupport i feel this through my whole body i w

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hot To Be Me by Ren Ft Chinchilla
@heartsupport I feel this through my whole body. I want to die. The only reason I is I can’t leave my son. But I’m scared that once he is an adult I might do it. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to be here anymore. I truly forgot how to be me.

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I’m so glad you are here and reached out. Feeling hopeless can permeate our entire body and overwhelm us causing us to believe there is no way out. The thought of having to put forth so much energy just to keep going can paralyze and exhaust us. You mentioned that you continue on for your son and I commend you for that. I understand how difficult that battle is when everything inside you is begging you to stop and convincing you you can’t go on, but you also know how important your presence is for your son. The battle can pull you apart. But the voice that’s telling you it’s impossible and that you should fear what happens when he’s an adult is a liar. Your son will need you regardless of his age and you have a purpose. When that voice tries to convince you otherwise look towards your son and tell that voice it’s wrong. You are a fighter and you are courageous because you keep going on. Take each day one step, one moment at a time. Don’t let the future overwhelm you. Keep reaching out and remind yourself that you are here for a reason and even though it’s intensely difficult at the moment, you will break through. You will get through this and you will look at your son and be so relieved that you kept fighting. You are loved. You are not alone and we are here for you!

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Losing ourselves is such a horrible and unfamiliar feeling. Our inner thoughts and depression can be so loud, they seem to be all we can hear. The pressures of being alive are so, so heavy at times that having to go on feels impossible. I understand your hurt, I am here with you.
We are not made to suffer alone, for we cannot tame the voices in our head if they continue to thrive in the dark. This suffocating feeling yearns for isolation. Our depression wants us to lock the door and rot in our bed, keeping us away from our loved ones who want nothing more than for us to be able to fight this hurt.
You do not have to choose death. Oftentimes when we struggle under the surface, our friends and loved ones have no idea. They can’t hear the suffocating voices in our head and don’t know the half of the battle we’re fighting. As hard as it may be, we are never truly alone, we all have people in our life and they are there because they love us. I’ve found that despite how awkward and vulnerable opening up about my mental health feels, whenever I tell my loved ones what I’m going through, I feel the weight lift from the chest and they honestly care for and listen to me.
I know this darkness feels permanent my friend, but know that hope persists even in the darkest nights. You are a good parent, and your son will still love you and you in his life after he is an adult. Think of being a grandparent, attending his graduation, seeing his wedding, and all of the joys that life will bring to you if you keep living it.
You are worthy of being here, and you deserve to be alive because you have a purpose and you have value. Know that you do not have to face this darkness alone, my friend. You are so very loved <3

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Hi friend,
Ren encapsulates the struggle of living so well. He describes the voices that consume and speak whispers and attack while he lies in his bed. Unfortunately, so many struggle from these voices tearing them down telling them to end it all. The bottom of the pit of despair where you don’t want to die, but don’t want to exist anymore is a dreadfully dark place to land. I know that feeling-- feeling stuck not knowing how to get out of the darkness.
I heard it said once that when you’re in the dark room, you can’t imagine what the light is because you’re surrounded by darkness, but if you can open up the blind just a little and slowly shift into the light, then you’ll hardly be able to remember what it was like to be consumed with darkness.

It can be so hard to imagine that the darkness will subside. We can feel like there is no way to stop the voices that Ren describes. It feels like what we face is insurmountable compared with what we’re equipped to handle. There is no amount of darkness that is stronger than the light. One day, when you are in that mindset of hope and purpose, as you have glimmers of it now with your son, you will look back and see how far you came. This is not the end of your story.
You like has meaning, value, and worth not just because of your son, but also because of your inherent worth as a human being. You are a beautiful person and clearly extremely dedicated to your son even while you are struggling yourself. That shows a selflessness and character to put him first that has so much courage in it. That is who you are. You are a dedicated and committed parent ready to grip life even with all its pain for his sake.
Your life has meaning and you have impact beyond what you can see right now. I believe that one day you will wake up having overcome and faced these demons. You will learn how to be you again and you will be thriving and living life to the fullest. This season is just one to bring you through to even greater joy. Don’t give up now. There is so much more for you.
Thank you for reaching out to HeartSupport!