Heartsupport i get the external solution aspect af

This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.

@heartsupport i get the external solution aspect. After getting sober and starting to work a program as well getting a divorce at the same time i finally feel like a free person but i absolutely find myself getting into relationship for added emotional connection like thats going to fit the last puzzle piece into place. Through self reflection ive become aware of it but still seem to do it

1 Like

Hello there,

Thank you for being here and for sharing. It’s incredible to hear that you’ve become sober; that’s a massive accomplishment and I’m proud of you! It’s also wonderful to hear you’ve made other life changes (e.g., employment, divorce) that have helped you to feel free.

At the same time, I can understand that challenge of feeling like you’re missing that last puzzle piece – that emotional connection – and I feel for you in that regard. It’s really hard when it feels like something is missing and I hope this will recede with time (whether that’s through a relationship or through finding you don’t need one).

I’m wishing you all the best and hope you stay in contact if anything is on your mind (forum.heartsupport.com); we’re here for you.

-Tuna

Hey, Thanks for reaching out!
It’s amazing that you’ve embarked on a journey of sobriety and I’m proud of you for accomplishing that!

Divorce is hard and I hope that you’re taking the time to heal. It isn’t wrong to want to emotionally connect with the people around you but it’s important to acknowledge your boundaries and theirs to ensure they align.
Have you tried talking to the people around you about how you feel?

The first step to solving a problem is to identify it and it’s great that you’ve already done so! I’m happy that you feel better and I hope that feeling continues! We’re here for you!

Cat187

1 Like

Yes, it’s so hard to experience this kind of opposition within. On one side, you are aware of this attraction to the idea of a relationship being the last piece of puzzle needed into your life. While at the same time, understanding that this might be about a deeper need that won’t necessarily be answered only through having a relationship. It’s like knowing there is a need within that’s still looking the right response, and it’s profoundly human to hope for one thing to be that unique and somehow permanent answer. When we feel in pain somehow, or even just uncomfortable in our own skin - consciously or not -, we usually crave for recipes that could ease that pain as much and as quick as possible.

It takes a lot of strength and speaks a lot about your own journey to be in a state of now of being aware of this profound need. Whether you can clearly identify it or not, whether you understand where it comes from or what wounds it is the expression of, it’s already huge that you are fully aware of it and are being honest with yourself about it. It’s absolutely understandable to crave for affection and long for the possibility to have a new relationship with someone. At the same time, it’s also humbling to recognize when there might be a fine line where we could jump right into a relationship out of an emotional need that we don’t know how to respond to otherwise.

With this in mind, you are undoubtebly going to keep growing on this journey of self-reflection and self-discovery. Hopefully, it will be with a loving ally by your side! And hopefully you’ll also discover at your own pace that your are your very own ally too. Either way, it sounds like you are really paving the way towards comprehending yourself, your story, your pain and fears, your needs and sorrows, at such a deep and meaningful level. You got this, friend. :heart:

Thank you all. In these 2 years of sobriety I’ve had 2 relationships and learned alot from them. The first being a trama bond and very unhealthy and proves to me that I’m willing to go through way too much to for closeness and acceptance. The 2nd proved to me that I am not capable of being confident without constant reassurance of my usefulness. And this is possibly a mistake but I have recently successfully caught the attention of a person and it looks strongly like this will be my third relationship in sobriety. I do fear that this is not the solution but this person does give me the attention and reassurance that I seem to require to not get insecure in a relationship. It could be less healthy because I am aware that I’m not looking for someone to fix my problems. Just someone kind who simply accepts my flaws. If this relationship turns out to also bring out my insecurities then I have to acknowledge that I am the problem and not ready.