Heartsupport i have been dealing with self destruc

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@HeartSupport I have been dealing with self destructive mental abuse and heavy depression since I was 13. For 23 years I have ruined almost every positive in my life. Seeing my father as the world and then him blaming my brother and I for his and my mom’s divorce ripped me apart. I use “Escapist” by Oceans Ate Alaska to help me to move past certain negative thoughts and emotions. I hope this song helps others to get past any and all difficult times in their life.

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Thank you for sharing what you are going though with us. I’m sorry that your father took out his emotional baggage on you and your sibling. You are not to blame for any divorce, and that situation is completely out of your control, because it is a situation between two other people. Your mother and father. You are innocent in the situation. I have also delt with severe depression, and destructive intrusive thoughts. If you ever want to share more, please do so. We are here. <3 Hope you can find some relief to what you are going through.

Oh my heart. I’m so sorry friend that you have been through such a heartbreaking and traumatic experience. Seeing your parents divorcing must have already felt chaotic and somehow life-changing in itself. It’s a brutal loss to deal with and a deep transformation in your life as well as of the ones you love. Everything is affected somehow, and everything has to grieve the life that was before it.

But on top of it being blamed for this decision must have been heart-shattering. It was a added layer of hurt to the pain the was already present. It’s like suddenly the pain you see your parents and brother going through is put on your shoulders and you would have been the agent of what happened. That you would be at fault for being. That is so deeply unfair… Although hurt people hurt people, when it comes to divorce it is never the fault of the children - no matter what parents can say. Their relationship is their own, and the decisions they make for it too. It’s understandable that they were hurting at the time, but that was not your fault.

It makes sense to feel like the perception of your dad completely changed after he said that. It must have felt like a deep betrayal somehow of the love that has been present between you. You have seen your dad at a high time of personal vulnerability, but unfortunately he didn’t process it in a way that was safe and healthy for his children. And as much as the pain can be seen and understood, it doesn’t change the fact that what he told you at the time was wrong.

I’ve had myself to grieve the perception I had of my dad after a very heavy conversation a year ago… and even though our relationship was already strained, it was like hitting the nail on the coffin somehow. I got to see how imperfect he was, and how he missed out on his role of father at crucial times. It’s a tough reality to face, even more hard when one of the first people you would go to in order to find comfort in such situation… is them. My heart truly goes out to you as you process and navigate these experiences, still.

Please know that you are not at fault, you didn’t cause their decision, and you absolutely belong in this world just as you are. What happened between them was on them, and you my friend deserve all the love and care in the world. You matter so very much and none of this ever defined you. It never will either. You are so much more and have so much beauty to bring into this world. :heart: