Heartsupport i lost a good friend to suicide as we

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I lost a good friend to suicide as well. We hung out together every day until i had to move away. A couple months after i left he killed himself. So yea i definitely hold some of the blame there. I wasn’t there for him anymore and i left him behind and in the end he left me behind. I’ll live with that for the rest of my life.

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Hello! I am a suicide survivor, and person in mental health recovery. I just want to let you know that you should be proud of the time you had with that person, and not guilt for them having left. There was never a person in my life who was good to me, who could ever have been to blame for my attempts at my own life. The only people who could even come close to deserving even a shred of blame, are those who were cruel and encouraging in the way they treated me. An example being a father who tells you to “Go ahead and do it” when you tell them you might as well kill yourself. So you try to kill yourself. In this situation there is still not complete blame, as it is the last straw to a very long and tormenting experience and existence. No one friend, no one individual in my life was ever preventing me from taking my life. No matter who is in my life, and what they are doing, there is still the chance that I might not make it. Not because of their presence or absence, but because the pain of what I am experiencing internally is too much for anyone, but my own self to try to fight. You were a light, and a blessing being their friend. The good moments and smiles you gave them made them feel light in a very, very dark place. You should not feel guilt for those moments, or guilt for not having been there to create more. They left due to their own pain and agony, their own demons that were always with them. You are not the cause of this. I am not saying that it will be easy to not feel some sort of guilt, as I am sure it is natural thing to feel. But I personally think you should honor their memory not with guilt, but with the good times you spent together.

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Oh friend, you are not to blame. It’s understandable to feel guilt after losing someone in such a sudden and brutal way though. We think about what happened and re-write the story in our mind, thinking about all the signs we wish we saw earlier, and the times when we could have said something. We explore all the “what if’s” possible and try to make sense out of something that doesn’t have any, but feels utterly devastating.

What happened to your friend was not your fault, and there is no doubt that they knew you cared about them. I have been myself on both sides of this situation, and while struggling with suicidal thoughts, at times when I had put up a plan in my mind I just couldn’t think about anything else or anyone else anymore. It really creates a tunnel vision that makes it hard to rationalize and anchor ourselves in the things we know as true. I knew I was loved and could have support if I asked for it, but something in me pushed me to isolate more and more and give in the call of disappearing. The fact that people in my life couldn’t see what was happening was not their fault. It’s only about the pain that one carries and how much it pushes them to believe that they would be better off this world.

You have been without a doubt a loving, caring friend, even if there had to be physical distance between you at some point. Really. :heart:

Hiya Friend :hugs:

Having lost a friend to suicide at the beginning of last year, I know how painful it is. The weight of the loss is massive, and some days it feels like there is no possible way to shift it. The words you say convey the depth of your sadness, and it’s clear that this person meant a lot to you. Much of what I had planned to say was eloquently put by @ThriceTheThird and @Micro - I’ll try not to be trample over their words.

The painful reality is as Micro put it, the choice your friend made is not, and never will be your fault. Suicide is never an easy decision to come to, and it’s obvious your friend was in a lot of emotional pain, which they deemed too much to continue fighting. Suicide is complex, and extends beyond the bounds of any single relationship or circumstance. While it’s natural to question what more you could have done to support your friend, it’s essential to remember that you alone cannot bear the responsibility for their actions. Each person’s journey is uniquely their own, and despite your absence, your friend’s decision was ultimately theirs to make.

Survivors guilt is real and very common. For the first few months when my friend passed, I felt incredibly guilty. However I realised that I did all I possibly could, I could not have foreseen what was going to happen, nor could’ve anybody - the same goes for you. The pain of separation compounded by the tragic outcome can undoubtedly lead to feelings of regret and self-blame. However, it’s crucial to challenge these feelings with compassion and understanding. Life moves on fast sometimes, meaning distance is sadly the inevitable, but it doesn’t change the fact you both had a great bond, and have cherished many memories together.

Grief has a way of amplifying our regrets and magnifying our perceived shortcomings, but please know that you were not responsible for your friend’s decision to end their life. Blaming yourself serves only to prolong your suffering and inhibit your ability to heal. Instead, I encourage you to honor your friend’s memory by embracing self-compassion and forgiveness. Allow yourself the space to mourn, to reflect, and to grow from this experience.

Grief has a way of amplifying our regrets and magnifying our perceived shortcomings, but please know that you were not responsible for your friend’s decision to end their life. Blaming yourself serves only to prolong your suffering and inhibit your ability to heal. Instead, I encourage you to honor your friend’s memory by embracing self-compassion and forgiveness. Allow yourself the space to mourn, to reflect, and to grow from this experience.

Your friends passing doesn’t define you. Yes, it was sad, but ultimately, you are worth much more than this situation. You shouldn’t have to carry the entire weight off this loss forever. Your pain is valid, but it does not diminish your worth or your capacity for happiness. In the midst of darkness, there is still light to be found, and though the road ahead may be difficult, you possess the strength and resilience to navigate it.

Reach out to loved ones, to counselors, to support groups—surround yourself with those who can offer you solace and understanding. Your grief is a journey, and it’s okay to seek help along the way. You are not alone in your pain, and there is no shame in asking for assistance when you need it most.

As you continue to navigate the complexities of loss and healing, remember that your friend’s memory lives on in the countless moments you shared, in the laughter and the tears, in the love that bound you together. Cherish those memories, hold them close to your heart, and allow them to guide you forward with courage and resilience.
A

You are worthy of love and belonging, and though the road ahead may be long and arduous, know that you are never truly alone. Together, we can find hope in the darkness and strength in our shared humanity. You are valued, you are loved, and you are deserving of healing.

With enormous love, and healing 🩵
EvilGenius :orange_heart: