I’m having mental health struggles rn. My therapist is off this week, and I have 2 appointments next week, but I’ve been hit hard.
On the heels of the online Memorial Service I just hosted for an online friend’s suicide…
My sister decided to tell me the reason she drank 3 glasses of anti-freeze 8 years ago was my fault. After 8 years of her not giving my family a reason.
I spent all 3 days she was in the ICU with her, awake while she was unconscious.
I just… I’m Event Co-ordinator for the online group I mentioned earlier and… I’m supposed to be the happy one who celebrates everything and is supportive of everyone.
But, how can I, if I actually caused my little sister to attempt?
Thank you for sharing. Im sorry to hear that you feel like that and that you have to wait until you can go to therapy, but what helped me when i was struggling and couldn’t go to therapy in that week, was to write down how i was feeling, so in this way i could have shared at the next appointment. I know it’s not that easy, but it might help a bit.
You went through some really hard moments. I’m really sorry to hear about your loss, it’s extremly painful when someone takes their own life, especially when is someone close to us. I think it’s very noble that you hosted the Memorial Service for your friend, which was probably not easy to attend.
Hearing that from your sister, must be terrible. But it was not your fault, she took that decision by herself. The guilt might be very deep for you after she told you that but, you didn’t caused her to attempt, i think that she was already going through something at that time, so that could have been a moment to blame it on you only.
You are human, life isn’t always smiles unfortunately, and being always happy can be hard when this is what is expected from you. And it can be difficult to support others when you don’t feel well enough. Maybe you can try to take a break until you feel better, because you can’t give from an empty cup. Or to try to let them know that you are struggling right now and can’t always be as they were used with you, and they might understand and even support you instead, try to do as you think it’s best for you.
I think it’s important to remind yourself that you’re not responsible for your sister’s actions. Mental health struggles can be incredibly complex, and it’s rarely just one thing that causes someone to reach such a point. It’s painful to hear this now, especially when you were there for her during such a critical time. But blaming yourself is not only unfair, it also adds another layer of pain to what you’re already going through.
You mentioned that you’re the happy, supportive one in your online community. That’s a big role to play, and it’s normal to feel like you’re struggling to maintain that when you’re facing your own battles. It’s okay to have moments where you don’t feel upbeat or put-together. Being genuine about your own experiences and vulnerabilities can actually help others feel less alone too.
While your therapist is away, try to focus on small ways to care for yourself. It might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member about what you’re feeling. Journaling, taking walks, or just setting aside a bit of time for something you enjoy can also offer some relief. And remember, reaching out for support, even when you’re supposed to be the one supporting others, is not a sign of weakness. It’s actually a really strong step.
You’re doing so much already—hosting memorials, coordinating events, and supporting others. It’s okay to take a step back and give yourself permission to not have all the answers or to be the “happy” one all the time. You deserve compassion and care too.
Hang in there. You’re stronger than you might feel right now, and it’s okay to ask for help and take time to heal.