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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hope by NF @HeartSupport I’m sitting here listening to this song and watching this reaction trying not to lose my mind. My dad’s in the hospital for something like the 4th time in the last 18 months or so, in ICU, battling pneumonia and likely sepsis. He’s responding well to treatment and this happened once before probably about a year ago and he was alright, but he’s also a diabetic with an autoimmune disorder and an opioid addiction. I’m a grown man with a permanent disability, so I live at home with my parents because the world around me is not equipped for me to live independently. I work in systems change for people with disabilities, mental health issues, and substance use disorders, so my career is literally about trying to change all that not just for me but for everyone. I’m in a loving relationship of over 5 and a half years with a thankfully recovering alcoholic, and she’s doing great and I’m so proud of her. But I wish I was also proud of me. I do really good work, when I make money I make really good money, I work hard for good reasons and admirable causes, I have a lot of money in a disability-specific, legally protected savings account that I’ve built up myself. I’m a good friend, son, brother, uncle, and partner. I push through more on a daily basis than almost anyone knows. And yet I still so often have that voice that tells me I’m a failure, and I’m just tired of always being the strong one helping everyone else. I’m stuck between pride, anger, sadness, frustration, triumph, and despair, and it’s just utterly exhausting. HeartSupport
I am proud of you. For not only having the strength and courage of sharing your story with us, but also for be able to acknowledge all of the emotions that you are feeling and for all the incredible work that you do day in and day out. I am so happy that there are people in this world that want to work towards change for all those around them as well as for themselves.
I am sorry to hear about your dad’s condition and that he is in the hospital. I am sending you and your family all the positive vibes for his recovery and a hug to you, my friend. You are a good person and you should be proud of how you show up for the people in your life as well as the work that you do for the world.
Being the strong one is hard because you feel like you can never fall apart. You always have to be ready for any potential crisis that can come along. You always need to be put together. You are completely correct, it is utterly exhausting. Carrying everyone else’s struggles on top of your own is exhausting.
But that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to have your own struggles listened too. It doesn’t mean that you have to face everything alone. I am also a strong one for the people in my life and I have days where the world is too heavy and I just need to let myself fall apart so I can feel everything that I have been putting off because someone else needed me. Needing to have time for yourself does not mean that you are a failure or that you are no longer the strong one. It simply means that you need some help too and that is okay.
Every emotion that you are feeling is valid. But the voice telling you that you are a failure is not. That is your “Dark Nate.” Something that I have to remind myself of is just because a voice is the loudest in the room, doesn’t mean that what they are saying is true. If you have days where that “Dark Nate” voice is getting too loud, we will be here to help you carry anything that is getting too heavy for you. I am proud of you.
Life is throwing a lot of really heavy things on you at the same time. You don’t have to be strong for everyone all the time. It’s okay to not be okay and you are absolutely not a failure. I think you’re just burned out from all the heavy things in your life. I know you can’t escape it all but I think you should set aside a little bit of time for just yourself everyday. During this time do something that brings you peace or joy. Read a book, paint a portrait, play a video game, just whatever allows you some sort of healthy outlet to release all your pent up emotions so that you can be at peace again.
Oh man, I can feel the weariness in your words…I’ve felt it too. You’re working so hard. You’re taking care of so many people and necessary life things. I’m guessing you’re not naturally motivated to take good care of yourself. I know I’m not. And I get that same mix of pride (in the valuable work I know I’m doing, and how much I can “handle”), anger (that no one else seems to be picking up the slack like I am), sadness (that no one seems to notice my needs or wants to take care of me), frustration (at my own health limitations and other situations outside of my control, like why am I being punished for trying my hardest!!!), triumph (when I make it through another rough patch), and despair (when they just keep coming and it feels like I’ll never get to just breathe and rest).
I say all this not to try to pretend to know exactly what you’re going through, because of course I can’t, but to let you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in feeling this way. You are only human. You are doing an amazing job. You are loved and valued by those you care for, even if they don’t always remember (or know how) to say it. It’s ok to tell them if you need to hear it more. It’s ok to do things for yourself sometimes.
