This week the depression and suicidal thoughts feel like they have grown stronger. This week I’ve written two suicide letters again. I can not stand to see my close family and friends in pain because of what I can not seem to overcome. I hate disappointing them every time I go through this and constantly failing them, weather it be with my cutting, or just believing in the lies that are told to me in my mind. I know I’m not alone, but depression tells me otherwise… I just wish they would know how much I love and appreciate them. But I feel like I’m pushing everyone away by me believing that I’m alone and that no one cares, me believing I’m not enough, that I’m no good, im a piece of crap, I’m not a good daughter, sister, friend or cousin, and that I’ll never be pretty, or attractive. I’m dumb when it comes to learning. I have no good value to me… And each day feels like a day closer to my suicide. I don’t want anyone to question my salvation, because I genuinely love Christ with my whole heart. But the weight of depression just seems to have gotten stronger and heavier each day, that I can’t handle it anymore.
please tell us what led you to having such thoughts in your mind. we’re always here to give you support however heavy youre feeling, without any judgement on you.
Sometimes depression can make you only feel the worst things about yourself and drives you to isolation. Despite how you feel about yourself, your friends, your family, and God still love you. If it’s hard to believe in yourself, you can focus on how Christ sees you and wants you to succeed.
Just because you can’t overcome your depression right now doesn’t mean that you never will. Sometimes you have to fight for your life to get better. It can be a long, hard process, but it will be worth it to find your joy.