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Hello again

Hi everyone, broken breadstick here
Heart support helped me alot for a few months. But my mental health started decline as soon as September rolled around. I’m stressed all the time. I feel worthless, like I would be better of dead. I told one of my friends to try and confide in someone and she told me she never would have suspected that I am depressed. I feel that same emptiness, void in my chest that I did when I cut myself. That was almost 2 years ago. I put on a happy face but, it hurts. I’m ranting there isnt really a main topic of this post. I woke up late and was borderline not really late to class. I was on the verge of relapsing I was so mad at myself. I skip meals. Most days I have 1 meal a day. Hunger pains dont hurt anymore.
I need help,
Sincerely,
Broken breadstick

Edit: I’m going to bring all of this up with my therapist.

I too have went through that and let me tell you that putting on a happy face just to keep everyone from asking me the obvious answer to their question “Are you okay?” Was tiring. Having to keep a smile on my face when someone talked to me just made it feel as if I wasn’t cared for and nobody cares if I’m either sad or hurting. It made me think negativity and ask myself why I even tried to look happy to everyone else. The advice I would give you is to not pretend to be happy because if you pretend to be someone your not then you’ll actually be losing the real you. You might start finding things you liked to do meaningless and not worth your time. Try talking to a close friend or write your feelings down. What helps me realize and sort things down is writing in a diary to keep my mind from caring all sorts of troubles or worries in my head. Try expressing yourself on paper and little by little give yourself time to do things you like and understand yourself.

Holy,
Wow I never realized it but. I dont know who I am anymore. I change so much depending on who I’m with. I go from one personality to another. I never realized this until now. Wow. Thank you, that honestly really put things into perspective.
Thanks,
Breadstick

What I do to help me not wake up late to school is putting on a lot of alarms for an hour. If you need to wake up by 6am then put an alarm at 5:00am then at 5:10am, 5:20am and so on, ten minutes from your previous alarm. Try to sleep early too. Around 8 or 9. Eat a nice dinner. Do what you need to do during the day and have a good night’s rest.

No problem breadstick. Just try to find yourself and find new things you might like too. Give it a go and if you ever feel stressed out or need something to relax try listening to music you like that relaxes you. Take a walk or maybe even hang out with a friend and watch movies together.