Hello , i dont know what to do

im a female from southeast asia
im sorry in advance english is not my first language but i hope its understandable
i tried fix my own self 8 years more or less
like go to gym/diet,spiritually i pray so hard i pray to god someone will help me someday
im not go to profesional because its expensive in my country i cant afford it
also here in my country people dont really care or aware about mental health
they had no hotlines for people like me i cant get help either
and i had no one to support me so im all alone at this
i had childhood traumas thats make me grew up as dysfunctional adult
loner,hard to socialize,fat and ugly(because one of my coping mecanism is food)
i lose some weight in 2017 because i was try diet and go to gym
but once i get stressed or really depressed i will gain so much weight im obese now
also i become someone who re very sensitive and had anger management issues
im very emotional sometimes and im suicidal
(tried kill my self since 5th grader yet i still manage to survive until now im 26 years old) but
i try my best to survive but i think at this point i cant do this all alone im tired i want to give up
i grew up in toxic family so yeah they re the cause of my traumas
even i speak up and reach out for help
about my mental health issues they said thats because im not religious enough
its my own fault cant move on from past its my problems thats what they say
i have very crippling low self esteem always hide or avoid people
i dont like being in spot light or center of attention
all i need is have someone’s shoulder to cry and ears to listen


Hello @nono

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time currently, we are all here to listen.
Not being able to get the professional help you deserve is really awful, there are many useful free articles, mobile apps and supportive forums such as this one available online many with lots of helpful information regarding depression (and other mental health issues); with some containing coping strategies and distraction techniques which may help you cope with your feelings in a crisis.
If you’d like I could recommend some of the materials I use to help me cope and understand my depression and suicidal thoughts?

As a avid gym user for many years (not a professional trainer or dietitian by any means)
I could try to offer some advise on diet and exercise that may be beneficial if you would like?
Its commonly recommended by healthcare professionals that a healthy, balanced diet and exercise are very important for improving our mental state; Here’s an article that I found that explains some of the benefits of exercise on some common mental health issues:

Do you still use the gym?
If not it’s really easy to start again, don’t be afraid! Gyms can be somewhat intimidating, but most gyms can offer assistance with friendly, helpful members of staff and some have personal trainers whom can advise you on how to get the best out of the equipment, achieve your goals and encourage you to keep up your progress; There’s also a plethora of really informative general fitness information available online. If you’re struggling to find some helpful articles I could help you look if you’d like?
Losing weight isn’t always easy it does require some self discipline, patience and a little motivation but I’m sure you can achieve all your goals you set yourself!

We have a extremely friendly and kind community here, your not alone!


Hello @nono!

I’m sorry about your toxic family, no one should go through that. I get that you don’t have a good view of yourself and i also use food as a coping mechanism, but coping means surviving. You’re a survivor. Like @Sm1995 said, losing weight isn’t always easy but you can achieve it. I believe in you. Things are dark, but they won’t always be. Your family have their own opinions and that’s them, that doesn’t make what they say true. You do what makes you happy. You deserve it.

Hold your head high! :slightly_smiling_face:

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