Thank you so much for being here, and welcome to Heartsupport. You are in a safe place to share what’s on your heart.
One of the best things you can do when life feels empty and you find yourself in this cycle of wanting to end it all, is to keep reaching out and to keep talking about how you feel, even if it doesn’t seem to help at first. You’ve been taking brave steps - with your hobbies, with therapy, with creating this topic. Of course it’s not an immediate way to fix everything and feel better, but during these when times your mind brings you into such dark places, staying alone would be worse. For what it’s worth from a stranger, I’m proud of you for connecting with this community.
There’s been definitely times in my life when I have felt the way you do: like everything was pointless, like I was completely useless and only dragging myself through the motions of life (when I could keep track of it), one day after another, but also with each day feeling heavier and heavier… It’s awful when it feels like there’s this inner spark missing, and when we feel at loss regarding what could help. When you’re in pain, you want it to be gone as soon as possible, not feeling like having to endure it over and over with the hope that it could get better. How you feel, what you describe, what you need, makes completely sense right now.
If I may ask, are you still on therapy, or is it a past experience for you? Are there aspects of therapy that could be the reason why it’s not helping? Did/do you feel safe, heard and understood by your therapist?
I’m sorry also that sports and hobbies don’t feel the same. Depending on what you struggle with, depending on your story and maybe how events in your life are affecting you, it may take time to find again this inner spark. Although it may take time, it is absolutely possible to feel differently and rediscover joy, with the right support, the right people and the right tools to encourage you. When I’ve been navigating the lows of depression, I was just like you when it came to hobbies. Everything I used to like felt really empty and dull. It’s like all the spectrum of emotions that leads towards happiness was just out of reach, and that plenty sucks. My heart goes out to you.
Through all of this, I want you to know that you are not worthless or useless. You are a human being, a unique person with a unique story, who is going through a rough time. And what you go through, how you feel, the struggles or obstacles you may face, will never define your worth. It only makes it hard to see it, to fully embrace the beauty of who you are. But that’s why you are here, and that’s why this community is to. To remind during painful times, that the glasses we wear and the conclusions we develop may not be the right ones, and are not serving us.
You are worthy. You matter. You belong. Even when it’s hard to feel it, to see it, or to believe it.
Hold Fast friend. You are not alone, and you can get through this. Thankful you are here today.