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From drago: Hello,

There isn’t a single day without thinking about ending my life. I tried once, without success.
I just want to feel better, I can’t take anymore feeling empty, loosing interest for everything, feeling useless, bad at everything, not having self confidence, no friends. I can’t concentrate anymore on any task (work or home).

Sport doesn’t help me (gym and boxing), therapy session doesn’t help, application like headway or fabulous raily routine either… I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I just want this pain to disappear

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Hey Drago,

Thank you so much for being here, and welcome to Heartsupport. You are in a safe place to share what’s on your heart.

One of the best things you can do when life feels empty and you find yourself in this cycle of wanting to end it all, is to keep reaching out and to keep talking about how you feel, even if it doesn’t seem to help at first. You’ve been taking brave steps - with your hobbies, with therapy, with creating this topic. Of course it’s not an immediate way to fix everything and feel better, but during these when times your mind brings you into such dark places, staying alone would be worse. For what it’s worth from a stranger, I’m proud of you for connecting with this community.

There’s been definitely times in my life when I have felt the way you do: like everything was pointless, like I was completely useless and only dragging myself through the motions of life (when I could keep track of it), one day after another, but also with each day feeling heavier and heavier… It’s awful when it feels like there’s this inner spark missing, and when we feel at loss regarding what could help. When you’re in pain, you want it to be gone as soon as possible, not feeling like having to endure it over and over with the hope that it could get better. How you feel, what you describe, what you need, makes completely sense right now.

If I may ask, are you still on therapy, or is it a past experience for you? Are there aspects of therapy that could be the reason why it’s not helping? Did/do you feel safe, heard and understood by your therapist?

I’m sorry also that sports and hobbies don’t feel the same. Depending on what you struggle with, depending on your story and maybe how events in your life are affecting you, it may take time to find again this inner spark. Although it may take time, it is absolutely possible to feel differently and rediscover joy, with the right support, the right people and the right tools to encourage you. When I’ve been navigating the lows of depression, I was just like you when it came to hobbies. Everything I used to like felt really empty and dull. It’s like all the spectrum of emotions that leads towards happiness was just out of reach, and that plenty sucks. My heart goes out to you.

Through all of this, I want you to know that you are not worthless or useless. You are a human being, a unique person with a unique story, who is going through a rough time. And what you go through, how you feel, the struggles or obstacles you may face, will never define your worth. It only makes it hard to see it, to fully embrace the beauty of who you are. But that’s why you are here, and that’s why this community is to. To remind during painful times, that the glasses we wear and the conclusions we develop may not be the right ones, and are not serving us.

You are worthy. You matter. You belong. Even when it’s hard to feel it, to see it, or to believe it.

Hold Fast friend. You are not alone, and you can get through this. Thankful you are here today. :heartpulse:

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From drago: Hello,

Thank you for your words.
I am not on therapy anymore. I have only once found a great therapist, but I moved from the city. Generaly, I didn’t feel that I was listened by the therapist.

Now I am 35 years old. The first time I saw a therapist I must have been 19 years old.
Over time I have become less and less confident and I lose more interest about everything. For example, I had studied music (guitar) when I was 22 years old. I have graduated. I haven’t played guitar in a few years now. But I noticed that it’s not only the guitar, but everything in general that I lose interest.
At work I can’t focus on task, and I feel that I can’t learn. My manager makes derogatory remarks about my work, which make me feel more insecure and useless.

My father was an alcoholic. He made my life hell when I was young. He doesn’t recognize me anymore because alcohol has severely damaged his brain.

I feel like I’m dying inside over time. I feel so tired.

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Hi drago,

I am feeling similar. I have had depression for many years now. Recently family situation has gotten worse leading to another if not my worst depressive episode. It has already been weeks.

I came onto this forum out of hopelessness. I am very sorry you are going through this. Depression and emptiness is very difficult. I am not sure how to proceed from here.

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From drago: Hello Mag

I don’t now also. But hey, let’s try to help each other… and maybe we will feel better

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From demonslayer5122: Please listen to me… Keep in mind, I’m not a professional. If someone is trying to be there for you as well as comfort you in your troubling times, you shouldn’t walk away or shield yourself. We often don’t consider the people who care about us, or how powerful the things we say can truly be until it’s too late. Over 300 million people in the world are suffering from some kind of depressive disorder, and that’s just the people willing to talk about it. So many others keep their mental struggles to themselves, because of the stigma surrounding it, or because they aren’t capable of properly identifying the symptoms. Nearly 800,000 people commit suicide every year, and keep in mind that not all of those numbers are associated with depression or even a mental health disorder at all, but it’s still heartbreaking that a person takes their own life, on average, every 40 seconds, sometimes due to things out of their control, or even by accident due to, among other things, self-harm. And that number gets even more terrifying when you consider the fact that there are indications that for every adult who dies from suicide, there are 20 more people attempting it.

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From demonslayer5122: It sucks… It sucks to feel like the world would be better if you were dead, or if you were never born. And wanting that pain or affliction to go away and be able to actually function, socially, by work, by school, or even sleeping, is something I absolutely understand and have gone through several times. Fortunately, there are a shit ton of people who haven’t gone through that and most likely won’t go through that in their lifetime, and that’s great, but please, I beg you… Don’t be apart of the statistics I just spoke about. I know that under distressed conditions, it’s really hard to listen to those that are trying to help, hell, it’s hard to even think straight or rationally, and because of that we act on impulse, and that also goes for people who don’t even have a mental illness. Similarly, it’s hard to keep your shit together when you’re trying to comfort someone, or trying to help them, and they just won’t listen. Please if you’re in that position don’t give up, if you or anyone you know, even if you aren’t cool with them, you have to put that petty shit aside, and kindly tell them to contact a suicide prevention hotline, or seek therapy.

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From demonslayer5122: It’s never too late to make a change, and even if you feel like nobody loves you, or that you’re a waste of space, or that no one would miss you if you were gone, you’re genuinely, and I’m saying this as someone who has had these thoughts himself, you’re genuinely more valuable than you know. We don’t often realize the impact we have on the lives of other people, or how much someone loves and appreciates us, and that’s a major issue. People don’t let the ones they love know that they love them and I don’t understand why that is. Telling someone that you love them could literally save their life. If you think you don’t love yourself, chances are you are surely mistaken, because all of these contributing factors, whether it’s because you don’t feel like what you do is as valued or as cherished as others do is, or that you don’t think you’re talented enough, or good looking enough, or you feel like an arrogant asshat who has messed up in the past and is doomed to fail, and that people judge you without even knowing you, and you emotionally abuse yourself into thinking that you could lose everyone or everything, just by having or doing something that makes you happy… The fact that all of that leaves you yearning for an escape means you care and love yourself enough to want a change. I’m not saying you should take that escape. I’m saying that because you want that change, you care about how you’re looking, and by proxy, yourself. And maybe after all that you still don’t, that doesn’t mean nobody does, because I didn’t take all this time to talk about the risks of depressive disorders to LOOK like I care.

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From demonslayer5122: It’s wrong that we lose so many people because they decide to not speak up about how they feel. It’s wrong that so many people feel trapped with only one escape. It’s wrong that we don’t always acknowledge those who are going through tough times. It’s wrong that sometimes when we do acknowledge it we react defensively. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better life for yourself and wanting to be happy. So please, you deserve to get up, and make a change in your life, because you have that power, and because you matter.

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From demonslayer5122: Please read everything I said and take it into consideration…