Hi so this is my first time posting and I don’t really know what to do or say. I’ve always had a really hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings so this is probably just going to be me rambling on for a while. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts and self-harm for a while now. I don’t really know who to talk to. I’ve never been to therapy or gotten help, mostly because my parents think I can “just get over it” whenever I am crying or try to tell them. And since it’s really difficult for me to say what I am feeling, I would probably not know what to say. I haven’t cut in around eight weeks now, but I’m scared I’m going to break because everything feels like its falling apart.
I can’t imagine myself living past 20. It just seems impossible. I don’t know what to do with my life and don’t know what I want to do anymore. I have no inspiration anymore. It feels so much easier to just hide and never come out again.
I’ve been struggling with pretty bad social anxiety for a while too. It freaks me out to even hang out with people I’ve known for 10 years. I am starting a new school next year and I keep getting really stressed about it.
I wish i could go back in time and reset parts of my life. I wish I could be happy without pretending and not anxious and able to express myself.
Almost everyone who knows me thinks I’m okay. Only one of my parents and my closest friends know. People who have known me for 8-10 years have no clue about anything. I hide how I am feeling under everything and then just cry in the bathroom for an hour.
Sometimes I feel like its easier to just disappear. People forget I exist half the time anyway. But that’s probably my fault anyway. So I don’t really know what to do anymore. Thanks for listening to me ramble on for a while.