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Help me. what should I do?

I feel like a burden to my parents. i do nothing good for them. they should be ashamed of me. i bring them misfortune and nothing good. even i am ashamed of myself. my worthless self scarred my parents reputation. people sometimes laugh at them because of ME. and the worst part of it is that i don’t try enough to make it right and do something to make my parents proud. no i dont even try at all. i want to but i cant. something’s wrong with me. i mean how can someone be so lazy and worthless? i know it’s my fault. i can make it all right if i set myself to it but i dont want to do anything anymore. not like i did anything anyway. i dont deserve to live. i am not worthy of it. i dont want to live. but i don’t want to kill myself either. it wouldn’t serve right to my parents who raised me to see me grow up and become someone they could be proud of. they don’t deserve that. no parents do. but i am just too unhappy to live anymore. i don’t think i can take it anymore. it’s like I’m just waiting to die. i dont have any hope left in me. and i dont have ANYONE i can share my feelings with. no one gets me. i have had numerous break downs in front of my family. a few weeks ago they were talking about career and stuff. then my brother and mom started making fun of me for my deteriorating career and it’s not the first time that happened. i have been facing it for a few years. my family is constantly judging me and belittling me. i wanted to become something. maybe i could have. but i did one minor mistake with my career which could’ve been made right and i tried. but no one let me do it. everyone around me were acting like my life was over. as if i did the worst thing ever. it affected me fucking bad. my mental health went downhill. and everything just kept getting worse for me. i know it isn’t right to blame others. if i had the will power and determination, no one couldve stopped me. it’s my fault, i agree. but when your own patents are laughing at your face, it hurts. dont get me wrong. they love me. they’d die for me in a heartbeat. i know it. they just love me in their own way. they think making me feel bad about my mistakes would make me want to be the best version of me and prove every hater wrong. but i believe im not strong enough to survive the rocky path to get to my destination. i mean they are my parents. at least i want them by my side. i wouldnt care about anyone else saying anything about me. it would have helped if they were supporting me instead of standing against me in it. i just needed at least 1 person to understand me. to tell me it’s okay. i have literally no one. no friends. i have friends but no one who understands me and doesn’t judge me. i wanted 1 person to stand by my side and tell me i could still do something great. now i feel like it’s too late. like i cant be fixed anymore. no one even remembers my birthday. i know it sounds silly but everyone around me enjoying and celebrating each others birthdays while me being the ONLY person around them whose birthday is forgotten by everyone fucking sucks. i am ready to do anything for anyone. but no one reciprocates when it comes to me. i tried doing the same. but im only making everyone’s lives harder. i am so fucked up rn. sometimes i snap at my parents and the next moment i realise what i have done and i want to kill myself. I’ve been told numerous times that i was better off dead. and it didn’t hurt that bad before bc i thought i was worth something but it hurts so much now knowing they are right. it’s getting to hard for me to handle this. help me

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Hey. Having a sleepless night myself so I’m taking the liberty to write possibly as much as you did, in hopes you feel understood and helped.
I am just 24 years old. I am building a career and it’s currently also a rough time for me… currently… well, more like the past 2 years. I have parents that cared more about themselves than about me. My dad does want to support me financially but i refuse to take his help because of my pride. But besides that, i only get nagged at for not getting much progress done. My mom sees herself somehow as a victim, in which if I don’t support her self-fulfilled victim status “the way a daughter should”, she’ll get pretty upset. I have been way down there with you on the suicide part :frowning: i wish nobody ever gets in that situation. When I read your message, all i thought was “How is this person ever getting rid of their emotions if no one is there for them?” We are just humans, we need some contact, people to connect with. Someone to listen to your story and your story really hit something deep inside me. I wish I was somehow there in your life, so at least one person wouldn’t forget your birthday. But to go back to getting rid of your emotions. I suggest your write them down, like you did here. Or do something creative with it, or go for a walk, listen to some music. I truly believe that something like that can relieve you a lot already. If the thoughts of suicide sustain/get worse. Please contact a psychiatrist about it. I was in my teens very much against anti-depressants, thinking that conversation is the thing that will get you over anything. But if you have no one to go to, it’s a good first step. If you have the possibility, please find a new hobby in some sort of club, find people to engage with. Hopefully you’ll then find someone who will be there for you. Also regarding your negative experiences with work… I’ve gotten the feeling that everyone I’ve met has had good and bad times in that. Some more bad than others. But I realised that everyone’s got it rough sometime. That gave me a little hope in the fact that I am not alone. And you truly arent either :slight_smile: i don’t mean this in the classic “man up” way, but more of a little pat on your shoulder to say that we’re all there and we know the struggles. We’re all in this together :slight_smile:

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