Help Me! 😭

I can’t seem to make the right choices when it comes to the type of food I eat, I’m really obese and I hate myself but the only thing that seems to comfort me is food, and when I say food I’m not talking about the healthy staff.

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Hi friend.

I am proud of you for etching out here.

You are not alone with this.
My story is similar in ways to yours.

Making the right choices can look and feel difficult, and I am not trying to discredit yr feelings, I really understand you.

It is possible.

For the longest time i found comfort in food, all the foods you shouldn’t eat.

It´s hard, and i myself am no where near where I want to be, but I want to encourage you to swap some foods you eat to healthier ones.
I discovered for myself that its bad for me to make myself eat less, it just stresses me more, but swapping the things i eat to healthier ones makes it more „guilt free“ for me to eat and i feel better mental health wise.
Your brain needs Good nutrients to function well, and healthy fats to do better.

Whatever you decide to do, or not to do, you have all of u here. You are not doing this alone. You are loved and you are amazing.
Don’t forget that :wink:

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Hey @Lulama1,

Thank you for sharing and being here. It takes courage to open up, to be vulnerable and talk about our struggles. But you’re here, you did it, so thank you. :heart:

I hear you. This hate you have for yourself, I guess also the shame around your struggle with food. I’ve been there. As long as I remember I never had a healthy relationship with food nor my body. I had severe eating disorders for years (not saying that you have, of course). It came to the point of having no control at all, being ashamed everyday, exhausted because it takes a toll on your physical and emotional energy. I felt trapped and alone in this. It’s better now, but I understand how much struggling with food can impact every aspect of your life. Know that you’re not alone. You’ll be able to build healthier habits of eating but also to handle your emotions differently. I believe in you. :heart:

It is common to think and be told that eating is a matter of motivation, of personal responsability. But it’s not. There’s a lot of other factors implied in this “simple” action of eating: our emotions, our needs, our desires, our representations about food (like “this is healthy/this is not”), the rules we have in our minds which are based on those representations (“I shouldn’t eat this”), the environment in which we are eating, the ingredients in the food we’re eating, if the food is related to some personal memories… etc.

You said you use food to find some comfort. It’s already a really good thing to be aware of that! By understanding what drives you to eat, you’ll manage to work on it, progressively.

Have you ever considered seeking some help from a nutritionist and/or a therapist/counselor? It could really help you on both sides. To gain a better knowledge about food, to work on the representations you can have of it, to create healthier eating habits with someone to help you. But also to work on the reasons why food became a way to find some comfort, and how you can work on that, to progressively find healthier ways to cope. I personally never reached out when I needed it, because I felt very ashamed. By my body, my eating habits, the fact that I wasn’t controlling the urges to eat or compensate. Now that I look at how it was, I regret I didn’t try to talk about it at the moment, because it only made things worse. So know you have the right to seek for help. There’s absolutely no shame to have. I’m aware you didn’t mention that and I’m just assuming how you feel right now. But I guess I really wanted to emphasize and say that you’re not a failure, and I hope you’re not too hard on yourself because of this. :heart:

Also, I can only share some things that helped me at the moment, and still now:

  • If you’re used to weigh yourself, then know that it’s okay to take a break and stay away from the scale, as it can add a lot of stress to actually look at your weight on a regular basis. Your weight doesn’t define you. You’re not a number, you’re not a body category, you’re not a BMI.

  • Trying to make cooking a habit if it’s not already the case. Of course, the idea is not to become a master of cooking nor to start to prepare something for every meal. But at least trying to cook something once in a day, or even the week at first, depending on what your habits are, can help. Just because it can be a way to take care of yourself in a gentle way, and to build a different relationship with food.

  • Staying away from strict and/or miracle diets. I can only agreee with @fiji. No one needs to deprive themselves to eat healthier. My perspective on this subject is a bit extreme sometimes and it’s absolutely okay if you don’t agree with it. I just think that when you’re already struggling with food, then diets are only triggering and make things worst. It can raise your frustrations and the need for comfort can become more intense. So it would be more about creating a balance in the way you eat, and deconstructing those “good food VS bad food” thoughts. Of course, there are objectively foods that are healthier than others as it’s less processed, and it’s better to eat more healthier foods. But I also like to think that it’s always better to eat some unhealthy snacks here and there rather than being frustrated and ending to eat the entire package at once. (Again, I’m not saying that’s what you do, just saying it in general :wink: ).

  • Journaling and tracking your eating habits. Not to stress you, but to identify what might be triggering you, what’s preventing you to change those habits, to identify how you feel in those moments. This is something that can absolutely be done with a professional.

  • To reconnect to your body in some way. Progressively. Through a hobby, a physical activity (even a light one such as stretching, walking…), through self care moments (a bath, using your favorite skin cream before going to bed…).

  • To make the moments when you eat kind of special moments, even if it’s not a proper meal. Like sitting at a table, being in an environment where you can relax, trying to actually take your time, to acknowledge what you’re eating is tasting, to avoid being focused on something else like your TV, your computer or your phone.

It’s hard but you’ll get through it. We’re here to support you as well. You matter, and you only deserve what’s best for you.

Sending a tons of vibes of encouragment. You got this. :heart:

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Eating healthy can be so hard! Something that has helped me over the years is:

*1.) not to grocery shop when I’m hungry. That never goes well.

*2.) Dont buy the junk. If I don’t buy it, then I’m not tempted to eat it at home. There is often healthier alternatives for the things I like that helps with the cravings.

*3) Meal planning is TOUGH but having some ideas of meals you could make and then only buying what you need for those meals really helps a lot!

*4) I know I can get snacky a lot! So having healthier snacks around helps. What kind of things do you like? Try to come up with some healthier options that you can have around to snack on that won’t be as hard on your health

5.) Talking to a nutritionist! I did this and omg it was so helpful! At the time they helped me find something that could work for me. Have ideas and information. Maybe you could ask a doctor to refer you to one

6.) Sometimes having accountability can be such an incredible thing. Having a friend you can trust to help you be accountable for what you do and don’t get and check on you to encourage you and help you as you make adjustments.

6.) Try to stay away from fast food! But if you do go try to get something from the lighter/healthier menu. Or maybe try to tell yourself you can go once a month as a treat.

Just know that change takes time. It doesn’t happen over night. So don’t do anything abruptly. Try to find something that can work for you. Baby steps. Make reasonable goals. But seriously a nutritionist can be such a big help! If you’re able to have a therapist too, that also can be so helpful.

But even if you can’t see either of these, YouTube, Pinterest and areas around the internet have all kinds of amazing meal ideas that can still be really good but be healthier. Sometimes just knowing moderation and healthier portions can be so much better for you.

I like @Micro suggestion of journaling and tracking. There’s apps for that if you have a smart phone too. Sometimes it helps to know what you’re consuming. It’s easy to lose track of what we put in our body but if you see it all written down you can see where things may not be at its best and you can adjust it. (: Like I said moderation and portion control alone can make a huge difference.

I agree with others on those crazy miracle diets and diet pills. Those are not really ever a good idea. The best thing to do is work on slowly making healthier routines and habits. That is what’s going to work. Making healthy changes. Realistic changes. Some of those miracle pills and weight loss things around are scary. They have you do extreme things to lose weight and often the case is, even if you lose it, you gain it right back because they aren’t realistic to keep forever. Unrealistic temporary diets are rarely a good idea. So try to find healthy adjustments that are good for you. Healthy habits. Healthy alternatives.

It takes time and it’s so hard. I still struggle a lot with it too. But there are a lot of resources out there that can help. Maybe a support group could be helpful.

Much love to you friend .

  • Kitty