Helping in the moment

Hi.

So I have some friends who will shut down and not talk about what’s going on when there dealing with there mental health.

I will be there in the moment with them but I’m not sure how to help. I have friends who have depression and I think one that has PTSD. They don’t want to get help when I suggest seeing a professional

How do I help them in the moment even tho I’m not a professional but still be there with them in the moment?

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Hi @Legacylex I think the best thing you can do it just be there to listen. You can ask them what you can do to help support them as well. Everyone needs something different. I’ll give you this page too, so you can get some more ideas. It’s so awesome that you try to be there for your friends :hrtlegolove:

This is helpful to.

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Hey @Legacylex its really nice of you to try and help your friends. I used to do what they did and just shut down and not talk to my friends about it even when they knew something was wrong. The best advice I can give you is just continue to be there and just listen and try to help when they want it because sadly if they don’t want it they won’t take. Now that’s not to say don’t check in on them. That is what I wanted even though I was shutting down. Just continue to be there for them. That’s the best advice I can give

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From: micronious

it is tough to help and not feel like you get a response or see any change… Don’t fret! Even if you do not know it, you actually are helping them just by being there. We don’t always have to feel like a professional to give professional advice. Sometimes it’s best to just listen and be there for them when they need you. That can do wonders … more than a professional in some cases. I believe in you and I truly hope your friends can get the help they need. Much love and light to you and your friends!!

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, Legacylex! That is a tough situation you are dealing with. I feel it is important to note: don’t focus on them to your own detriment. If things get to be too much you can take a step back. Just let them know you need the time for yourself.

But the best thing you can do for them is to just keep being there for them. Sometimes just knowing someone is around who cares about you is the most important and helpful thing. Be there and make sure they know you care about them and they matter to you. You are an awesome person :hrtlegolove: Good luck :hrtlegolove:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

There are many reasons why your friend might not want to talk openly as it could be that they don’t really understand what’s going on themselves. Talking about it might be uncomfortable or feel frustrating because they don’t have the words to express their feelings. If you can open up about difficult feelings yourself, it may create a space for your friend to take a risk and share what they’re going through,or be ready to seek help. Your friend might feel like they should be able to handle this problem on their own, without anyone’s help. They might be ashamed that they’re struggling,or see reaching out for help as a sign of weakness or they simply may not think you will understand This is not a reflection on you or your friendship with them. You sound like an amazing friend. All you can do is keep being there and keep checking in kindly and carefully with your friend in the hope that they will open up at some point. Also before I sign off please remember to take the time to be kind to yourself too, sometimes we spend so long focusing on other peoples problems that we forget to look out for ourselves. Take care friend and remember that we are here for you if you need us. Much Love Lisa.

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Hey there @Legacylex,

It is amazing to see how much you care about your friends and want to be there for them. In this situation, especially when it’s about traumas, it is important to respect their own time before anything else. Opening up and sharing what’s on their heart/mind has to be something they decide to do, when they feel ready and safe, without any pressure. On your end, what you can do is being as listening and loving as possible. What has helped me personally to start opening up was to feel safe with people. I have to see, through our interactions, that I am not judged for what I say (even through casual conversations), that I am accepted just as I am, that I am not expected to be someone I am not - so that there is room to be my authentic self. Being present, open-minded, showing that you care, is all you can do - and it is already huge and essential. Let them know you are there when you sense some unsaid fragility. That you care.

On your end, I would encourage you to not expect from them to necessarily open up. If you wait for that specifically, it won’t allow you to be patient nor to just focus on your friendships. Be a friend. Hang out together. Talk about everything. Have fun together. That is all they need in order to feel safe and build trust. And if they want to open up one day, they will do so - which doesn’t mean that it would be with you specifically, but that is completely okay. All in all, patience and acceptance are key.

Thank you for caring the way you do. :hrtlegolove:

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