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Helping me be the real me


#1

I found HeartSupport via the Twitch stream during the Tourmakers fundraiser, and since then I am finally starting to feel like a person, instead of an alien changeling who doesn’t know how to human.

It’s been a long way down, and I still have a ways to climb out. But the absolute grinding clamor of grim ideas in my head has eased off, and instead of a flat monochrome blah I am feeling things again. In some ways it’s easier not to feel because I don’t get anxiety attacks then, but I know in the long run I am closer to my best self with emotions as part of the mix.

I think a turning point was small but is having a profound effect on me. Watching the Creative Encouragement streams I realized I had been thinking of art as something other people got to do, but not me. I know that sounds weird, but as a kid there were dozens of things my parents put in that category, from PG-rated movies to horseback riding lessons to wearing pants to church. There was a frustrating lack of explanation when I asked, along the lines of “that’s just how it is” (a close cousin to the infuriating “because I said so”) and I soon learned to keep the peace by not asking.

How art fell into that category is a topic for elsewhere, if I even knew where to begin, but it did. Thankfully, hanging around the HeartSupport community and watching the streams, I finally caught myself thinking about how much I wanted to paint, to draw “but I couldn’t.” The artists in HS are so generous and open and encouraging, I was able to ask myself “why?” and to realize I had been pining for something that was actually possibly within reach. Yes I can be an artist. I can be an artist! Certainly a bad one to begin with, but that’s what practice is for. Such a tiny thing, but I feel excited, like I said, and that’s new and positive.

Typing it out and sharing it here is both exhilarating and terrifying. It’s strange how often I think about it. It feels like I’ve finally gotten something I wanted for a really long time.


#2

Yesssss!! This gives me so much joy on so many levels!! So happy for you! I would absolutely love to see some of your work friend! Thanks for sharing and showing that there is hope! So glad to have you as a part of this HS community!


#3

Art, like any craft is a life long growth! You ARE an artist, it’s in your heart already just by being a desire. GO FOR IT! Look at your pieces like it were your child, you’re learning and growing and your body needs to learn how to move your muscles certain ways so it’s like a kid learning motor skills but more fine tuned. It’ll be awesome I promise! You will get discouraged and hit set backs but it’s so worth it when you see the beauty of your hard work. :slight_smile:


#4

Hey friend! Welcome to the HeartSupport community! We’re so happy that you’re here. :slight_smile: Thank you so much for sharing your story - I’m so happy for you!! I’m definitely looking forward to seeing some of your work!


#5

OrphanFrequently,

Whether the planning properly aligned with earlier life goals or not, you persevered. Success limited, by the constraints of another, limits you no longer.

However beautiful and inspirational your talent is, the mastery expressed of prolonged wanting with great patience epitomizes will to be what you want to be. Let it be known you’re a brave person for being so persistent.

Congratulations with this newfound joy and talent. Bless you!

Respectfully,

_NucleicVoid


#6

This is amazing. I’d love to see some of your work!


#7

Thank you all for your kind replies. I’m in the really basic learning stages but when I have something to show I will definitely share it.