Helplessness

[JoeT]

I dont know where to start with this. I’ve started threads here countless times and deleted every single one of them because because I convince myself it’s not worth anyone else’s trouble or time; and that I can handle it myself, because that’s what I’ve done my entire life.

I feel worthless. I pursued a relationship with a person who lead me on and broke me time after time for 10 years. And I have since stopped all communication with them. I’ve tried to put myself back out there because genuine love is my hearts desire. However, when I find someone I’d like to date or pursue, they’ve either lead me on with with sweet lies only to ghost me, with no explanation, and leave me wondering where I went wrong. Or they stand me up. I turn 30 year and I just feel like finding someone is a lost cause. I’m look for intimacy beyond the physical, and it seems like no one else wants that.

I work 2 jobs because I told myself that the less time I have to myself is less time that I have that will be spent in my own head, or less time I will spend being hurt. And it worked for season. But now I’m feeling just as useless. It’s a struggle to get out of bed in the morning because I’m exhausted. But I have to do it just to make ends meet. And now my car is breaking down and the transmission is going out and I can’t even a loan to fix it because my credit is bad. I’ve tried asking for help from those around to me to get a new car, but other than getting told straight up “no” from family, everyone else masks their “no’s” as excuses. But at the same time, these are the people telling me to ask for help and to reach out if I need help. And I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve tried reaching out to assistance programs but they turn me away because I work 2 jobs and make more than what they classify as “in need”. But I only miss that classification by less than $100. I work 2 jobs and am barley considered middle class. I’m lost.

I just feel like I have no where to go. And having everything start falling apart makes me feel so useless because I can’t even help myself.

[Wings]

If you were useless, you wouldn’t be holding two jobs. If you think of yourself as useless, or you feel a lot of insecurity, it usually makes relationships difficult and not sustainable.

There’s nothing useless about a person who kept trying to keep a relationship going for 10 years. It sounds like you have a lot of love to give and are incredibly forgiving. That ain’t being useless. It’s being a treasure!

It’s not easy to find a relationship that isn’t superficial. That you’re wanting a connection of greater depth, can cause the “ghosting,” etc.

Regarding the car, there are additives at auto parts stores that might extend the life of your transmission. Another possibility is what I did when I was in a similar situation. I went to one of those “buy here, pay here” car lots. You’ve gotta be super careful choosing a vehicle from such a place, but such dealers tend to have an interest in providing vehicles that will survive long enough to be paid off. I got lucky with the '61 Buick Electra that I purchased at such a lot. I drove it all over the country for five years. In those days, I lived in rented rooms for much of the time, because I didn’t make much money.

Even when I started making decent money, I stuck with the cheapest accommodations I could find. I came from a family that was evicted from several places, so I was kinda extreme in keeping my shelter cost low, in order to feel as secure as possible.

Feeling helpless makes a person overlook opportunities. If you can walk, talk and do things, you’re not helpless! If you know you’re not helpless, you are far more likely to find solutions, because in the absence of despair, you are more alert, aware and ready to act upon opportunities that you encounter.

I was in a relationship for 18 years that ended very badly. Prior to that relationship, I had several that ended in disappointment. I swore off women, determined to be happy alone. A couple of years later, I met the person with whom I’ve shared my life with for the past 27 years. She’d been alone for 7 years. I’d been alone for a while too. To begin with, we were attracted to each other because of our determination to remain independent. Go figure!

@JoeT

It’s a struggle to get out of bed in the morning because I’m exhausted.

That’s what happens when you’re depressed. It’s like being in a hole that’s impossible to escape, yet it is possible through counseling and possibly medication. It’s usually possible to dial 211, and be directed to free or affordable resources that can help.

Take care of yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat others.

[DiscordReply]

From: ManekiNeko

I’m so sorry to hear about the struggle you’ve had with dating. It is a hard experience to go through with someone, especially after so many years invested. I’m a way I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself though. It left you feeling worthless, but somehow your worth was more than what they treated you like. Dating can be a son of a butthole! I’m so sorry, I avoid all the dating apps ect bc it was similar experience as yours. But there are decent people out there, so don’t lose hope all together. And you do deserve to have that love in your life.


I know some of the other lovely people here may have some better advise than I do as far as finding social service assistance for yourself so you can utilise your car or fix it. You’re wearing yourself thin as can be working over time with two jobs and I’m sure it’s burning a hole in your pocket using fuel and also your car. What does it look like for you if you have one job to focus on, be able to maybe get some benefits and hopefully along with that they can provide travel assistance or somewhere that can fix your car. I know one service I used to work at did public transport tickets for five trips a week with a 2hr trip limit each use. I’m thinking saving yourself from burn out and utilising services so you can actually try to save a little and maybe look into getting some help for your mental health is worth more than burning yourself to the ground, but not being able yo find any help? I’m so sorry if that isn’t a helpful thing yo suggest, I just want to make sure you aren’t going to completely burn out.

[DiscordReply]

From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi JoeT, it’s sounds like you’re having a really rough time surviving right now and I feel for you. Have you tried calling 211? There are a lot of resources out there to help you and the United Way has people that will help you find what you need. The have a big directory of programs and different organizations that might be able to help you out. It’s a start and I hope that you can find what you need. ~Mystrose

[DiscordReply]

From: Mamadien

JoeT - I’m glad you decided to post. You are definitely worth the time and it’s not any trouble to respond to you. From what you have said, you sound like someone who has the mindset of being very self sufficient generally speaking. You definitely sound like you are doing all you know to do. One thing I wonder - Is working two jobs now wearing you out physically and mentally? It seems like so much and not giving you the time you need. Along with that is the issue of having you just so far over the income requirements for some help right now. Have you considered doing an analysis of what you are truly earning from each job and what it is costing you in gas and car maintenance. I don’t know where you live and how much driving you do but if one of the jobs is taking a bigger toll on you, your car and earning you less than what is truly helpful - perhaps you could consider rethinking what your employment opportunities are? And perhaps what you would need to do to gather some assistance. I wish you well my friend. Please let us know how you are doing.

[DiscordReply]

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi friend, Thank you for your post, I am so glad you managed to finish and press send on this post so you could share how you are feeling. I am sure you could handle it yourself but you don’t need to handle it all without support, this is what we do and want to do. I am so sorry that you are feeling worthless, thats a feeling no one should have to have and of course it is only a feeling, you are most definately not worthless, I hope you know that. No one is worthless, we all have worth in this life and we all have meaning and you have plenty of both. I can understand you will to meet someone who wants to give you the love you crave that also comes with honesty, reliability, kindness and loyalty and you deserve that, that is not too much to ask and It definately not too late at all. But for now I encourage you to work on you, work on caring for yourself a bit, look into your work and how it is affecting your life financially (does earning those few extra dollars hold you back) try to take more time look into doing something that makes you happy, depression is dark deep place and easy to get into but so hard to get out of. Once you start to feel better about you, you will start to feel stronger and ready to meet someone. I wish you well. Please post whenever you want to. I would love to know how you are doing. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x