I was feeling almost better… having hope to some day do what I love again… I get home from work yesterday and my laptop’s screen is broken out of no where… I come home today and the issue is worse… I am in such shock and pain from it that I can’t even cry even though I want to cry so badly. I worked hard to buy this laptop last year with my tax return and now it’s ruined from nothing. I’ve never dropped it, never dropped anything on it… Idk what to do once the screen gets so bad it’s unusable… I want to give up and I feel alone.
On top of that I am still fighting not wanting to trust anyone… at all ever… even the people I trusted and held closest to my heart for so long. I want to talk to my bf so much right now but his life has him busy. Part of me feels he’s having a really nice time without me. On my way home from work today I kept telling myself things to make me feel better as he is probably forgetting all about me and moving on with his life… Everyone loses love… depressed people like me don’t deserve relationships.
First I want to say it is a baby step process and sometimes that our world goes something good and than something knocks us back it feels like to me at least. Many times in my life I have a wonderful day and than a lot of bad bad days back to back or something good happens and than in the next like hours it is bad after bad thing and it sucks. It is draining because I do not like negative things. I will say that none of those things are to make you feel worse it is just how life goes and it always seems that stuff comes at the worst time so you are not alone in that sense.
So I want to say I am sorry about the laptop have you taken it to a computer store to see what is wrong and do you know if the company has any kind of warranty on it because sometimes that is the case and you can get it fixed easier. I know that seems like a long shot but sometimes that is what you got to do.
On the trusting part of this I want to say that I get it. Trust is so hard for me but it is for different way and reason. I truly get it through I am so sorry that your bf is busy but let me say this unless you both work on the ways to talk it will make the relationship harder. I know you likely know that but you two should talk he should be there for you too. I know it seems simple but being able to talk about how you feel with him is important. I also want to say that if you truly let the anxiety and stuff give power to the relationship that can really hurt the relationship. I have had that issue before. Just because you are depressed doesnt mean that you wont find someone. I hope you know that it is possible and you are deserving of love.
Ty Ash, it’s tough, I can’t talk to him even if he had time right now… That is the main reason I brough myself here. I really just needed to get the words out and away from my heart. Life is difficult ans if sucks. I cannot take my laptop anywhere; I don’t even have money to eat right now. I only had a year warranty on all thw parts and it’s two months over that limit. I already looked into that. Once it breaks I will have nothing. It is what it is; these things happen. It’s just disappointing cause I invested in an expensive laptop for my art and it lasted less time than any of the less expensive ones I have ever gotten. Oh well… I was feeling okay these days… I think… Not as low as yesterday, def not as low as today. Anyway, I am thankful that you reached out. It means a lot, ty.
Friend I am so sorry and yeah I feel the whole laptop thing but like you said it is what it is. But here is what I want to say remember that is an item. It might not be easiest to always remember that. I know having access to things like here and the discord is always important to my life but if my computer and phone all broke I would still make it through. I know that might not be what you want to hear but I am here for you. I am here if you need to talk. I am also going to say that you are loved none the less. It is also something that personally I get my computer has my life on it I get it. I know that you dont have money for food that is very important right now.