Hello. My name is Kevin, i am 20 years old and have been experiencing some of the worst depression I have felt at this point on my life. I grew up with my mom and dad, and 2 younger sisters. My parents were both drunks who fought verbilly and physically, and my father himself was very abusive towards myself, my mother, and my 2 sisters. Physically, verbally, and emotionally. My life back then was go to school, get picked on, go back home, and get it even worse. Eventually in 2020, we decided that we had enough of it and left the house. Currently, it’s 2023, and I have been struggling with myself more than I ever have… Now that my father is gone, I am the one who is supposed to be bringing money into the house. In October, i was let go of my job and alao lost my car. I can’t hold a job nor find anyone who will hire me due to not having my own transportation. Depression is killing me all i do is sleep and wake up to eat and at night i can’t sleep. Im up with my thoughts mutilating myself because I feel like a burden to my family. The only reason I’m still here is for the hope that things will one day get better. I’ll be 21 in less than 3 months and just can’t help but feel things will always be this way and I’ll always be a burden to everyone around me.
You have been through so very much.
I am sorry.
What you feel is to be expected given your history.
Do you ever stop for a moment and breathe? Just stop, breathe, check in with yourself. What can you see? What can you feel? What can you touch? Ground yourself in this moment.
When you can get here, you can choose to do one small self compassionate act for yourself. When we allow ourselves to be compassionate to ourselves, we can momentarily removed the fear. Remove the stress. Fear and compassion can’t be online at the same time.
You have been brave.
You have been strong.
You can do this.
There are people out here who see you. Hear you and love you.
Sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel during these troubling times in your life.
Regarding your situation, might I suggest reaching out to a counselor for your family trauma? If you can’t find a way into counseling, that’s alright. Crisis lines (I text 741741) are always available for a call/text to help you. It doesn’t always need to be a “crisis” situation, but I would say that the “mutilating thoughts” you have does count as a form of self harm. I’ve been told by not just random people, but also professionals that self harm isn’t always something physical. It can be these self sabotaging thoughts that we’re a burden. But, you are not. You are so strong for sharing with us today.
Regarding your financial situation, I suppose you’ve already looked into means of public transit, but-- have you tried looking on a job searching site like https://www.indeed.com/ for any remote job listings? I know working from home might not be your cup of tea, but it might be able to help you get by until you find that cup of tea.
Things will get better for you, I promise you that. I would like to share with you a site that has 100 Daily Affirmations to tell yourself everyday: 100 Positive Self Affirmations That Will Change Your Life - EllDuclos
Keep us updated, hun. I’m rooting for you, Kevin.
Wow, you’ve been through the wringer; these financial challenges, particularly when compounded with your family history and depression, sound so stressful and exhausting.
You are not a burden to your family. Based on how much this is affecting you, I see that you deeply care about them and want to help them. And I see you putting in effort to do what’s best for your family. You aren’t a burden; you’re just making the best of the crappy hand that you’ve been dealt, and that resilience is such an admirable quality.
I hope you hold onto the hope you’ve described and continue trying to find positions that you’ll be able to work at (e.g., maybe somewhere close enough that you can bike or somewhere served by public transit could work for the time being). I have faith in you and am wishing you all the best.
P.S. Welcome to HeartSupport; we’re glad to have you here. Please continue to share if anything is on your mind.
Hey there, @xxkevin.zeroxx.
You’ve been through a lot and I just wanted to say that you are always welcome here, these people are very determined to help you and others.
I know it’s hard, but I do know that you’ll be okay, and that you’ll make it out alive! You’re strong!
Don’t let you’re guard down. You are loved and cared for.
Have you tried making inspirational quotes, and sharing them here? I know it may not be the way for you to cope, but I am sure it would cheer others up, and brighten their day. (You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, it’s just a suggestion; idea).
(There is a lot more ways to cope with depression).
You are worth it, and we are here to help you, Kevin. You are very important to us, and we want to help you the best way possible. You can also use hotlines (for depression, etc).
Hang in there. We want you to be safe!
We believe in YOU.
Here is a link to betterhelp:
P.S. you can also use the support wall if you need more support!
Hope this helps you.
Take care, friend.
welcome to Heart Support, and thank you so much for reaching.
this is a huge weight you are carrying for your age. far too much you should have already on your mind.
are there resources in your area of living where you and your family could find help ?
when it comes to transportation, maybe there is a car sharing or something like this ? when it comes to a job,
there might be more options out there for you, depending on what you have learned or that you do.
is your mother working ? try not to pressure yourself too much. take care of yourself and also give yourself some
time. maybe you could write all your things down, to get a overall look on everything, and also what you have
achieved that far. you have a family , that is hopefully supporting you, loving you. you are not a burden or anything
like that. you are worth of all the good things in life. we tend to oversee the good things that are there, when so
much bad is happening, so much bad out there. little steps matter most, look at where you at. you do great my
friend. and you will even better. you are loved and you matter most. feel hugged
welcome to heart support, Kevin! Thank you for sharing so openly with us.
that’s a lot for someone to have gone through and to keep dealing with. What support is your family getting if it’s okay to ask? I imagine your mum, yourself and your sisters are trying to heal from all this trauma and it’s not easy to have to do that alone.
I don’t know what financial assistance looks like in your area, I know here they can help with payment of travelling for work. Are you the only one who is seeking/had employment? It’s a big burden for you! I imagine the stress has been immense and I’m not surprised that these overwhelming feelings are leading to depression. I know not everyone is in the right financial place to seek professional help with that, but I do hope it’s an option or that maybe there are bulk billing clinics around your area.
I want to link bellow some crisis resources as well, just in case you ever need them. No pressure of course, but your safety is very important! Crisis resources :
Crisis text line - text HOME to 741741
Suicide hotline - 1-800-273-8255
National suicide prevention chat - http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
My heart goes out to you my darling.
I am really sorry to hear everything you have been through and going through. You need to understand and realise how much a strong person you are by being here and reaching out on here. It’s a brave wise move and I promise letting it all out will help, it won’t fix things but it will help as it has done with me.
What about shifting you mindset over to this time of not being a bad thing, this can give you time to think and reavaluate your steps going forward (Baby Steps). Work on getting your mind into a more positive way of thinking by getting your sleep, getting up AM, making your bed, making breakfast, shower (COLD shower if you can for 30secs) This is proven to help reduce stress and ultimately make you feel alive. Join a gym, listen to podcasts, get a journal and write anything and everything you want whether it be your progress, your thoughts, your goals and intentions.
Health whether it is mental or physical is the most important thing we have got without this we won’t be able to work at all, do the things we enjoy. Until you are better and find things are getting easier then. you can look at getting a job even if its part-time then gradually picking up your days.
I will explain a bit about my situation I am in and I hope it gives your some comfort that your not alone & I and the community are here to help you.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting. You’ve been through a lot and of course that takes a toll on your mental and emotional health. Depression lies all the time telling us we’re a burden, that we’re not enough. It can be hard to constantly fight those thoughts. You’re doing the best you can and that is enough. It may not feel like it right now, but it will get better.