Hey friends - need some support

[nameredacted]

Absolutely rocked right now - too much tequila trying to calm / mute some of my mental trauma. Sorry if I don’t have the appropriate trigger warnings in place - just consider yourself warned I guess.

Most of the time I am OK. But then I crash hard. Really hard. And I drink too much and basically want to eff every guy I see. It’s bad…

I’ve been going to the gym to try and deal with things - but it might be making things worse. Because I see as I’m getting more fit ( I was always somewhat in shape) I’m getting more attention from guys and I am married and trying to keep sh*t together right now.

O eff - I’m sorry - this is all probably so inappropriate but …

I don’t know. I have always had mental health problems. My family has always had mental health problems. But my husband is really pretty normal and just has trouble understanding. Although he has problems of his own for sure ,

OK - in summary - I should say - I feel like I need support because I am currently drinking to excess and I have a loooooooong family history of alcohol abuse problems and don’t want that for myself but dear Lord just want a little but of comfort right now… Lot of love and thank you. <3

[AVJR]

@nameredacted

It’s fine. You just wanted to share. You will figure things out. Be kind to yourself, and love yourself.

[tarainutah]

Hello!

May I ask, what kind of support would you like?

<3 Tara

[Brian-mydaddycangame]

Hello, my friend. We discussed your post tonight on stream. I hope you can view the video

Wishing you peace,
Brian
twitchttv/mydaddycan

[Micro]

Hey friend,

Thank you for sharing. I hope you are safe right now. It breaks my heart to hear that you have this kind of breakdown, but it’s been really brave of you to share about it, alcohol or not.

I feel like I need support because I am currently drinking to excess and I have a loooooooong family history of alcohol abuse problems and don’t want that for myself but dear Lord just want a little but of comfort right now

It sounds that you know that there’s a need to work on this already. To find different ways to get this comfort you need - healthier ways. Whenever you feel ready. We’re here to support you. You’re not alone.

I care about you. Give us some updates. Let us know how we can encourage you.

[nameredacted]

Some people drunk dial - I guess I drunk HeartSupport. My first thought was to delete my post but I am not only so grateful for the responses and encouragement, but I also figured it’s a good practice in humility to leave it up.

Not proud of where I was mentally last night, but taking the time to see the road that I walked to get there and will hopefully avoid similar pitfalls in the future.

Dearest @Micro thank you as always for your thoughtful words and friendship. You are right that I need to find healthier ways of finding comfort for when I’m so low. For better or worse, I’m really good IRL at hiding my troubles and seeming stable. And that’s not 100% a bad thing because faking stability is good practice for being stable I suppose. But when I crash I really have no one to turn to b/c I have hidden my troubles.

Thank you @Brian-mydaddycangame I watched the video and am grateful for your kindness and compassion. You are right - I was lonely. Really helpful to me for you to have been able to narrow the focus on what was up and helps me along my journey. Thank you friend.

Hi @tarainutah - I didn’t know at the time at the time of my post, but I received it anyway.

@AVJR thank you - will not beat myself up too much today about my behavior last night. As a private person it’s really embarrassing to be so low publicly.

Talked with my husband at length last night. Clearer headed today (albeit rather hungover) and will just go through another one of those processes of picking myself up and moving forward. Next time I suppose allowing myself to be more vulnerable to the people who know and love me and not to hide my struggles. It’s hard though - I am often in the role of the level headed, responsible friend / family member / coworker and do fear scaring people.

Thank you all again - peace and love friends - eternally grateful.

[Micro]

For better or worse, I’m really good IRL at hiding my troubles and seeming stable. And that’s not 100% a bad thing because faking stability is good practice for being stable I suppose. But when I crash I really have no one to turn to b/c I have hidden my troubles.

This is a good reminder: you always, always, always have us here. And if it’s easier to take your “social” mask away when you’re interacting online, then it’s a good tool to use.

I feel what you just said. Trying to keep a happy face and wondering where to go when you’re having a breakdown. It feels like having a dark side that is only known by you. That’s what pushes me to reach out only when I’m really drowning, and not before. We both know it’s not a good strategy. But it’s also good to be reminded that we also do our best, right? Learning, progressing, bettering ourselves, is always possible. Vulnerability takes practice.

You are absolutely right, there are pros and cons in being able to fake stability. “Fake it until you make it” - there is a part of truth in this statement. But it can’t be a solution in itself. It’s just a tool in certain circumstances. Sometimes it increases a feeling of loneliness.

I thought that you might be tempted to delete your post. I’m really glad you didn’t. This is just the expression of you, as an individual with a heart, feelings, emotions. Nothing wrong with it, never. You have the right to fall down and to reach out. Not easy to do it when your loved ones are used to see you as a responsible/level headed one. But it’s not impossible. It just requires small steps. Both for you to reach out and for them to learn to know different parts of your heart. You are not scary or a monster because of how you feel. Only human.

Thank you for giving us the privilege to learn to know you better.