On the weekend, my boyfriend broke up with me in a brutal way…he wrote so many paragraphs saying he cheated on me through the whole relationship, trying to make me like it was my fault, my problem, and how he was righteous and a “compassionate heart” because he’s making a “necessary sacrifice”. It just made me so distraught. He would tell me all about how he thinks cheating is just wrong and disgusting when he was doing that behind my back the whole time…He never really apologized about cheating on me, just that he has to make “a hard choice”. It was so painful to read those messages, to feel so backstabbed out of nowhere when our relationship was going great. I tried to go to my friend for support and help, and because I didn’t tell him me and my ex were dating, that I deserve to be cheated on and that I apparently “lied”. My friend eventually would say I’m pathetic, a piece of sh*t, abusive…it just ruined me. I was friends with him for so long, and for him to say this and remove me then block me, just really felt like a knife to the heart. Right now, I’m conflicted about my emotions. A part of me feels responsible and that they are right, but another part says it’s not true. I haven’t been eating well at all, and most of my family hasn’t been supportive of me through this struggle. My sister and my best friend have been helping me through it, so I don’t want to seem selfish. My heart just hurts constantly, and I don’t know what to do. I really can’t handle this pain and emotion. Was I wrong? I don’t really know anymore.
Dear @Purplelilly
This wasn’t your fault. Your ex didn’t deserve you in the first place if he cheated on you. Period. And your friend isn’t if they said that you deserved to be cheated on. I have two pieces of advice. Find a hobby that brings you joy, something that will keep your mind off the situation. It doesn’t even have to be anything major, I recently found that I relieve stress when I bake bread. My second piece of advice is that you take some time to straighten yourself out: eat healthy, get a good night’s sleep, and isolate yourself from additional drama and stress if possible. Stay strong, you are loved. Everything is going to be alright. 
Your ex cheating on you is not your fault. Please don’t blame yourself for his actions. I can’t imagine the pain you are in. And then on top of it, your friend treats you terribly when you go to him for support. I’m so sorry things are so hard. You don’t deserve to be treated the way you’ve been treated. Hold fast. We are here for you. You are worth so much, regardless of how others have treated you.
Don’t let those words get you down. They are words from someone who doesn’t deserve to speak to you. It’s not your fault. It is never the person who gets cheated ons fault. It’s theirs. Dont let anyone else make you feel bad. Just breathe. Understand that things get better, heartbreak heals, and life goes on. You got this. We are here for you.
I’m so sorry to hear this has been done to you. It sincerely hurts me to read your words and the situation that you have gone through.
I echo what everyone else has said, it is not your fault. Personally I believe that the words that your ex wrote to you in his breakup was his way of still trying to control you in creating a false reality that it was your fault. It can also mean that as he probably knows deep down in his heart that what he was doing is wrong, he tried to justify his actions by blame shifting, which is still wrong. He decided to do what he did and tried to justify it which just cannot be done.
Lastly, you deserve so much! Someone who values and cherishes you and holds you on a pedestal of admiration, dedication, and love. I know it’s hard to believe this right now, but it is true. Continue to stay positive and move forward away from someone who treated you that way and did that to you. Wish you nothing but love and comfort during this time. You are worth it!
-L
Hi Purplelily,
I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now. This is a very painful situation and I understand why you are very overwhelmed and hurting. It all makes sense and don’t beat yourself up for being hurt.
I want you to know that this is NOT your fault AT ALL. If someone cheats on their partner, it is because they have a personal issue, not their partner. I don’t care what anyone says. If he wanted to be with someone else, he should have broke up with you before he did. My pastor told me in church that if a spouse has thoughts to have an affair, have an affair with their spouse. Basically, he was disloyal to you and it is not your fault. Do not get hard on yourself please. You are precious and deserve to be loved the right way. There is another man out there who would NEVER treat you this way and you will find him as long as you are patient.
Stay strong and continue to use your support system!
<3 Stephanie