Hey, its me again

I know the last time i posted on here was either january 2nd or 3rd. Thank you guys so much for the kind words. a little up date about me is i graduated high school & now im a college student. College haven’t really been fun for me, i stay in my room most of the times unless i have class. My 19th birthday just passed ( in october) 19 years of hell still, my mental health haven’t really got better sometimes i go days or weeks without eating or sometimes i don’t have the urge to clean my room. i just don’t know why i’m still sad, i thought coming to college would change how i’ve been feeling for years. i honestly been thinking anout relapsing alot now, i just feel empty its like nothing is there just pure darkness & i feel trapped. nobody understand the thoughts that been running through my head late at night. my right hand starts to shake alot idk why but i guess its something new idk. I just want to feel okay inside, i have a happy personality but a sad soul i don’t want to keep feeling like this. I feel like if my mental health get any worser im afraid i might end my life.

Thank you guys so much for those kind words again :slight_smile:

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Welcome back! I’m sorry about your sadness. College might’ve helped some, but it sounds like you have a long standing depression. That will follow you through changes that you hope will help. Then, the unmet expectations can lead to increased depression.

A happy personality and sad soul suggests that you’re an extraordinarily sensitive and empathetic soul. It also sounds like you have a long established pattern of thoughts that are the result of the negative energy you see in the world.

Imagine looking at the night sky on a clear night. Indeed, it’s mostly darkness, but it enhances the beauty of the stars. People like you are like those points of light in the midst of darkness. The good things and people in life are like those bits of light. You are surrounded by darkness, but also points of light. Depression blurs perception, allowing just darkness and bits of grey to come through. It presents evidence to support the idea that humans tend to see only what they expect to.

The eyes don’t see. They only process light. The mind interprets the light waves, and filters the signals through the mind. There’s an old experiment online that shows a video of students tossing a ball around. Other students are instructed to observe this ball tossing. After few minutes, the activity ends, and the student observers are asked if they saw anything unusual during the ball tossing. All the students indicated that all they saw was the ball tossing. Then the video is shown again, this time the students are instructed to watch the room instead of the ball tossing. During this repeated showing, the students saw a guy in a gorilla suit jumping and dancing around in front of the students. I looked for the video on Youtube, but the one I saw is a remake, but it makes the same point. Here’s the link:

The experiment provided glaring evidence that humans can be blind to what’s in front of them if their mind tells them not to expect it. In similar fashion, depression can prevent a person from perceiving anything positive in their life, even if surrounded by positive things.

Some people do the opposite thing. They filter out much of the negative and dwell on the positive. A depressed person will think of such a positive mindset as irrational.

Counseling can help a person attain a more balanced perception of their world, which can diminish symptoms of depression. Sometimes medication is needed. I’ve been on Welbutrin for over twenty years. I’m pretty sure my dad and I had depression programmed into our DNA.

Keep in mind, even when feeling trapped, your mind is free to explore different philosophies and ways of looking at things. It has to help.

It also sounds like you’re not taking good care of your body. That could be why your hand is shaking. If you’re not feeling well physically, that alone is enough to cause depression. Then the depression contributes to not feeling well physically. It’s time to seek counseling, or do whatever you can to interrupt the negative thought patterns, and take good care of your body.

Please check back with us and let us know how you’re doing. We care about you.

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I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Depression is a beast, most times it’s really hard to handle on your own. There are times where depression may not even be triggered by anything, it’s simply something you can’t control.

You deserve a fulfilling, happy life. You don’t deserve to live in pain and suffering. Sometimes we need that extra push or reminder that we are worthy of feeling good, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (even if it’s too far to see right now).

Are there any trustworthy people in your life whom you can confide in and maybe get support and encouragement to seek help? I know putting yourself out there in a vulnerable position to get help–whether from therapy or medication–can be a daunting task. I feel like having that support system in person helps though.

Just know that we are at least here and support you, and we see your worth and value. I encourage you to reach out to doctors or therapists. I know it’s not one-size-fits-all but for myself personally, I can say that meds literally saved my life.

Hang in there, keep us updated :hrtlegolove:

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Hi kennedy,
thank you for sharing and coming back to us.
first congratulations on graduating and moving on to college.
in times you feel sad and not going out, have you maybe tried to lifting your mood with doing things you
love ? or maybe go outside, enjoy your campus on a walk ? sit outside ? maybe joining some activities
at your campus ?
give it a try. do some small steps and also if you like, write them down, to visualize your progress.
or consider also a therapist or a self help group for you. they can help you further to overcome these things,
and how you deal with it in your future.
start with yourself because you matter and you deserve that, you are loved my friend. feel hugged
Greetings

From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Kennedy, welcome back :smiley: I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. I think that you might need a little bit of extra help to get you out of this “sadness”. You can check out the Campus Services Dept at your school and they can get you some mental health help. They can help you with other things too. Why are you going so long without eating? How are you even functioning after not eating for weeks? I can see why you don’t want to clean your room. You’re probably very weak and tired. This is contributing to your mood as well. I think the one thing I can see that you could change is not staying in your room all the time. There are lots of clubs and different activities that are available in college. You can find something that you’re interested in and join. You’ll meet people that have the same interests there and make friends. You have to put yourself out there if you want things to change. I think that you are a very brave person to decide to go to college even tho you struggle with your mental health. You are loved and you matter! ~Mystrose

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, I am so sorry you are feeling like this, I can totally relate to how you are feeling and firstly let me tell you that I think you are incredible for even being at college under these circumstances, I understand that you are struggleing and stay in your room but you are there, you got there and you are studying so that is one massive step forward. So now maybe it is time fot the next step and that would be maybe trying to write yourself a schedule of maybe to start with just one thing to accomplish a day, something to clean in your room one day and the next go for a walk and acknowledge one person on that walk, each day something different, everytime you do that one thing it should make you feel positive, once you have done that for a while up the ante to a couple of things a day. I know this is not easy. I would also love to ask you to come to our Heartsupport streams if you havent already on twitch, ill put the link under here, its a great place to talk to others, we are all there, its wonderfully encouraging, we all help and support eachother and have fun at the same time, you can watch for a bit if you dont wish to talk straight away, come check us out. You are loved and valued friend and you are worthy of a beautiful life. Much Love Lisa. x