Hey uhm I guess this is a first post?

So uh hey… I’m kinda new here so yeah expect me to be a bit confused and stuff and asking some stuff here and there…you can look at my bio to read about me and all but I guess I should just…start talking I guess…?

I came here because lately I have been having a really tough time, someone from and LGBT forum I am in suggested to me this when I posted something on the forum and I though “you know this doesn’t sound so bad, maybe I can find people who can relate and all” so yeah.

I have been having a sort of stressful day, I have school that I do at home because of the pandemic and when we applied it was still sorta intense and my mother, being high risk, decided it was for the best I stayed home and my dad would be the only one going in and out the house because of his work so he can obviously help us out financially.

I was dating my ex at the time also and while I liked her, she wasn’t the most mentally sound like me, she would have a lot of episodes, breakdowns etc. and I obviously helped her, but overtime these breakdowns were getting nastier and far more foul and that’s kinda when I met Trevar but that’s another topic.

Whenever I had my breakdowns though or episodes…it never felt like I received it back the same, like think about it as putting coins in a jar, I would fill her jar almost full with coins because I support and like her but when it came to me it’s like she gave half or even less sometimes. It just felt uneven.

We broke up because I found out I was actually a trans male and well, she’s lesbian, she didn’t date guys so that’s why we broke up, thinking about it now I realize it wasn’t a good relationship, it was pretty skewed and I felt stress about it.

After that we talked some more and all but it was clear she was getting very unstable, she did virtual with me and she was behind like me, and I ignored all of my school work trying to help her and she never listened to any word of advice, it’s like she always had something to back up whatever excuse.

“I can’t do this because my mom is doing” this and that it was stressful trying to find SOMETHING that I could do to help. And that all spilled over when she had the worst breakdown ever. Also I forgot to mention but she never told anyone about her breakdowns,family problems etc to ANYONE but me and I told her multiple times both in and out of the relationship she should build a group where she can’t talk about this, but yet again she didn’t listen and it felt like she was constantly dumping out all of this negative stuff to me, it was stressful, I felt awful.

This breakdown was so severe I was so close to think that she was going to commit suicide, I kept telling her things to do to keep calm but she threw back things about her mom and her being abused more and so on and so forth. I didn’t know what to do, I called the authorities and they came to her and well, to put it lightly she wasn’t happy, she basically cussed and insulted me.

But after that I felt relieved things were okay and I was able to cut it short and I stopped talking to her all together. It was all good until school came in, I never did any work when all of that was happening.

I basically was just so stressed out because I had to be caught up by the 18th of December but I practically felt like collapsing and right now I’m just feeling horrible because I basically can’t make it to the marked completion with all classes in just two days. But yeah there’s the backstory reason as to why I joined, sorry it’s so long, I needed to get this off my chest.


First of all, welcome to the HeartSupport community!!! I am glad you are here! Thank you for sharing all that you are going through at the moment. It definitely sounds like a lot to go through, but you sound like you got a good head on your shoulders.

Relationships are tough and people can definitely take advantage of the love and support you offer them. And that sucks, so I am sorry if that is what your ex was doing. Now, ultimately, you need to come first and while there is nothing wrong with being supportive of your partner, you can only pour from an overflowing cup. If your cup is empty, you are going to burn out.

Since that is over now, I know EXACTLY what is feels like to be behind in school work. I am also behind in my school work as the semester comes to a close because of my own personal obstacles this semester. Life is certainly unpredictable and you sometimes can’t control what life throws at you. I did not look at your profile, but assuming that you live in the US, ask your professors if they would offer you an incomplete. Basically, this allows you to have some extra time (i.e. until the start of the spring semester) to get all of the work done. I just emailed my professors and told them about some of the stuff that I had going on and asked for it. It is not guaranteed that they will give it to you, but it never hurts to ask. It may take some of the weight off of your shoulders.

But to sum up, you sound like a really awesome guy and I am glad that you care so much about people. Just remember to take care of yourself every once in a while, even daily! You deserve to be happy and taken care of.

Keep moving forward. We believe in you

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Thanks so much for that! Well while I do have some other things I’ll be talking about some time later. But thank you This really helps! I guess for the most part the build of a lot of things including that situation has me really burnt out. I’m glad I can get some help and support ^^


For sure man. It is understandable that you’d be burnt out. I once was on the verge of getting into a relationship when the guy I was flirting with attempted suicide. When the people you care about are hurting, it is only natural to want to help and support them. There is nothing wrong with that, but at some point you need to realize that no matter how bad our loved ones are hurting, you gotta put you first. When my friend tried to take his own life, I was losing sleep and staying up late with him to try to make sure he was ok. I loved him and I wanted him to heal, but in a lot of ways, that wasn’t my job. Some people need professional help and it is ok to back out of the situation in order for your partner to realize they need some other (and better) support. If you ever want to talk more about that other stuff you mentioned, feel free to post. Or if you want to DM, I’d be happy to chat. I try to get on here at least once a week

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Alright, I’ll be sure to take note of that! And yeah I’ll try to be considerate of myself, it’s been hard for me because I always jump into to help anyone I know and can. It’s kinda like 10% is about me and the rest is about everyone else who needs help. A flaw I will admit.

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Yeah, try to make that 60/40 :joy:

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Yeah haha! :laughing: will do!

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