Hi, i hate my self... i feel like im not good enough for any guy

hi everyone, i am a 20 yr old female (about to turn 21) and i just dont know anymore. i feel like no one generally gives a fuck about anyone but themselves. love is not real its fake. i feel like i am sooo ugly… plus all guys care about is pornography and i think that porn is so wrong and that no guy should watch it while in a relationship … but im the only person that thinks its wrong!!! i wish i was as beautiful as a model so guys can treat me amazing… i cant even look in the mirror anymore without seeing a monster…

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hey @bunniesaremyjoy ,
First of welcome. TBH people do care about others they just may not show it. Love is real , love is hard . Everyone shows love in different ways. let me tell you this, you are not ugly , you are beautiful. Everyone has their difference in porn as their opinion. Not every guy is like that not every guy is into that . You are BEAUTIFUL and you ARE NOT a monster YOU ARE HUMAN! why do you fell like your a so called “monster” do you have self estem issues? if so thats okay. You are loved ! heart support will be here for you anytime . You’re worth it!

Cimorelli-You’re worth it

You have to understand that being in a relationship is not gonna help you be a better person

That’s something only you as an individual have to help yourself with. No man is ever gonna help you especially if he’s a Porn addict lol

At the same time you cant have too much expectations on people.

You need to understand that it’s just an experience, and nothing more. People don’t benefit from it as they think they do because they keep seeking for happiness externally, without helping themselves first.

Think about it.

Oh btw looking at your profile pic you look very cute :slight_smile:

Hi @bunniesaremyjoy, I’m sorry you’re feeling these emotions and are in the mindset to think these thoughts. I understand where you are coming from completely and I know it’s tough. I can certainly speak to the notion that when we only see the worst of ourselves we tend to project and only see the worst in others, as well as place unfair and unrealistic expectations on others. Just know, and this is coming from someone who has been disfigured by a genetic condition, that you have so much more value than your appearance and so much more light to give this world than you realize. Love is ABSOLUTELY real and can be expressed in so many ways other than romance and sex, and true love cannot come before love of self.

Hold fast friend.

thank you!! and yes sadly i have really bad self esteem… my birth control made me gain 30 pounds :confused: im embarrassed to wear a swinsuit all i wear is baggy clothing, i want to love myself… i just dont know how unless i buy facial fillers or a boob job

Hi Bunny,

I understand this feeling. I spent a lot of years feeling unlovable when it came to friendships and relationships because I felt like I just didn’t compare to the average social standards. I felt I didn’t even come close to what society molds out to be the ideal female. And even in a relationship now that is happy, I still find it hard to go outside without constantly comparing myself and feeling like I’m not good enough.

So I can kinda understand where you are coming from.

Love is real, it’s just hard to find it sometimes. But let me tell you something, do you really want guys loving you for your beauty and looks? Sure, it’s typical to want to feel beautiful so we can feel lovable but that isn’t the kind of love we should thrive for. Loving someone for their outer appearance isn’t actually love at all.

I spent so long feeling like I wasn’t good enough because I was over weight and my body is lumpy and curvy. We need to be able to love ourselves for who we are. And not hate ourselves for what we are not. You are of value and deserving of love and compassion no matter what you look like.

As far as pornography, I agree. I never honestly got the appeal of porn. It’s fake and it made me feel like crap when a guy would prefer to look at that when I was in a relationship. My ex husband literally used to watch it when I was asleep next to him. Or when he was in the bathroom getting ready for work. I caught him multiple times and it made me feel insecure and awful. Even in explaining to him how it made me feel, he seemed addicted to it and never stopped. And to make it worse, he lied about it. You are not alone in feeling that way.

You and I both have to practice loving ourselves for who we are and not hate ourselves for having the bodies and features we have. You are deserving of the love of others but also the love of yourself. Even if you find love you will still have to learn to accept yourself. It’s important. Finding love and a happy relationship doesn’t resolve all insecurities and is important for us to try to practice being good to ourselves. You know? I know it can be hard in a world with such a shitty society in regards to the woman’s body. But something we need to actively help ourselves in.

I hope that you are able to find someone both in friendship and romantically that shows you that you are loved and valued for who you are and lifts you up. Surround yourself with people who encourage you and bring good to your life and let go of anyone who brings you down. It may take time my friend, but love is out there. Don’t give up hope.

It’s always a risk when it comes to love. A risk we have to take to find it. As getting hurt is always a chance, but don’t let the bad experiences rob you from finding love. There are good people out there.

You are important. You matter. You are beautiful as you are and for who you are. I know that isn’t always comforting in the moment but it is true and I hope one day you can believe that when you look in the mirror.

  • Kitty